 |
 |
|
|
|
Special Note Prior to the End of the Year Review for 1996:
There is no escaping it. The signal event of the year was the senseless
death in an automobile accident of one of our number, Sarah Smith, "Likes
It," a young woman just starting out in graduate school; a nice person
doing what she liked and getting ready for life. Gone with no reason in an
instant. What is a sensible human response to such an event? True, there
are even worse things: famines in Somalia, 30 years of idiotic religious
and otherwise wars in Afganistan, 25% of America's children living in
hideous, life-depriving poverty; the list is all too long. Yet these
horrors, bad as they are, have solutions - we may lack the will or the
means, but they are not beyond our abilities to solve. One can do something
about them. There's nothing we can do about the bad luck lightning bolt
that is waiting, eventually, for each of us. It amazes me that the human
reaction to this ultimate frustration is to forge ahead, whistling past the
graveyard as it were, and getting on with our affairs, both serious and
silly. How can one justify what we do each Sunday afternoon in the face of
what happened to Sarah? You can't, life is much too serious and precarious
to waste running through swamps. Yet it's not, really, and we do it, and I
trust we will continue to indulge in our pointless fun, in effect laughing
at our ultimate fates.
So remember Sarah. Do something nice for some random person for no special
reason, and don't expect a payback. And remember what the great Leroy
Robert Paige said,
"Don't look back, something might be gaining on you."
Satch was an optimist, I think.
On On.
YBS
OK, Here it is;
the much-beloved, always-anticipated, sometimes dreaded:
End of Year Review for 1996:
First, a little history and some statistics:
Hash #1, October 7, 1979. The legendary Joe Burns sets a loop starting
from Stevenson Hall, 91 Prospect.
Hash #100, September 13, 1986. The Geezer and Wacko set through the
campus, the grad school, Marquand Park and the Institute.
Hash #200, May 13, 1990. Dogshrinker and Wacko set in the rainforest-like
Pine Barrens.
Hash #300.4, November 17, 1991. The LRF and Throatwarbler Mangrove set a
Simple Tour of Princeton in deference to 15 simian visitors from Reading.
Hash #400.4, March 7, 1993. The Geezer sets from Rosedale Park to
Terhune's Orchard.
Hash #500.4, May 5, 1995. The LRF sets in the pouring rain through
Weinstein's freshly plowed field of dreams to the boulders on Province Line
Road. Joe Burns and Dr. No return. Apres at Good Friends courtesy of Hash
Cash.
We ran 50 hashes in 1996 (49 in 1995, 47 in 1994; we'll be running 53 or 54
Sundays very soon, it appears). The average size of the weekly group was
11.5. Yes, I figured it out, sort of, and yes, it's official. The Delay
LLLama ran the most, a staggering 45! Get a life LLLama! Other over 20
runners were: Geezer (33), 242 (32), Rojo (27), Wacko (27), Gerbils (24)
and TFM (24). There were a number of notable anniversaries: Wacko (400),
Rojo (150), Geezer and the LRF (365), Delay LLLama (100), TFM (50). The
Geezer and Wacko set the most, six each.
First Hash. remember last January 7th? A really bad snow day. Only two
intrepid idiots showed up for the LLLama's .05 hour hash, his best set
ever.
Best Hash of the Year. A tough pick in this vanilla year of no distinction,
this year of decline and decay. Your Beloved Scribe is tempted to make no
award this year, but, well, maybe, just maybe, #540.4. You all know that I
am partial to Solo sets. This one was an 1:40 meander through the New
Jersey Rustbelt - a tour of the detritus of the squalid lives of the
denizens of this forlorn state. There were more empty liquor bottles per
square meter on this hash than any other this year, that's for sure. And
the run had other virtues: Three folks showed up late and had to run alone
- they never even made it to the apres; There was a looooong cross of a wet
EFM that led nowhere; and a fine ending at a lonely loading dock in this
Land of the Industrial Dead - the Star Grove Glove and Awning Factory.
Well, why not?
Worst of the Year. Tough call, this. The two outstanding contenders are
242's absolutely miserable Hard Corpse Hash #544.4, in which not one single
person finished. Nice venue - the Kingston quarry - no marks. Folks were
scattered over most of the county. Against this travesty we set the
LLLama's latest effort, #585.4. Eight and a half miles of roads and
railroad tracks running through perfect territory to either side upon which
no foot was set. Considering that one shouldn't whine too much about the
hard core, no matter how screwed up it was, and taking into account the
LLLama's truly rotton record, the decision goes by a hare to the LLLama,
with special consideration for lifetime achievement. Hon. Mention: Gerbils
for #568.4, a 38 minute backward special, and Toxic Waste's #541.4, a 2:12
fiasco of bizarre marks., including F's followed by checks. Oh well.
Worst Venue of the Year: Still no competition for the Reptile Fancier's
all-time winner, #327.4, "The Warehouses at the End of Time." I know you
are tired of "no awards" in this category, but all that means is that you
feeble wankers have to get out there and find someplace to rival the LRF's
clear vision of the end of the world.
Best Venue: Well there were some good ones. TFM and Reluctant Breeder set a
nice #555.4 in Pennington, and I liked the set of three #551,2,3 all
starting at the Carter Road Bridge; each going in a different direction.
Trash Can and Dry Martinez set a good one near Hillbilly Hall (#545.4).
Still, on balance, the best venue award goes to Rojo and IUTHW for the
Sound of Music-like #556.4: horse trails and flowery fields in Tyler Park.
A little smarmy perhaps, but just this once it's OK.
Best Writeup: Ah, writing skills have so diminished. I liked the several
Tales from the Belle Meade Inn, but then Zaire said he'd do something nasty
if I didn't say that, so you can't really rely on my opinion in this case.
Number 559.4 was good, too. Some literary allusions, if not illusions, and
some good invective, bordering on vituperative amertume. Let's give it to
the anon. scriber of that one.
Whine of the Year: IUTHW on # 546.4, "Hey, this won't get me another Worst
of the year. will it?" No, Waist, it didn't, but not because it was any
good. Others were just worse. Hon. Mention: The LLLama: "Well, there's a
bit of road running, but you'll see why I had to do it" (#543.4).
Prosthesis of the year: Either Rojo's new eyes, or the Geezer's gourd.
Notable Last Hashes: Trash Can, TFM, Eyesore, The Milkman, My Lips are
Seals, Dry Martinez (?), Rabbi Doolittle
Notable Returns. Nothing can match the appearance of our Global
Correspondent, and almost-never runner, Kendra Hershey, who appeared on #
541.4 on her way from here to there. No postcards lately, KH, what's the
matter?
Rookie of the Year: Tough decision between The Gerbils are Sick and Dying
and I'm SO Dirty. Gerbils ran more, but Dirty started later. Let's give a
double award this time.
Criminal of the Year. Ned, the Boy, apprehended with several young ladies
in Marquand Park after hours with two, count 'em, two empty beer cans.
Ossifer Obie was promoted to Obersturmfuhrer for solving this Crime of The
Century.
And Now, The Ultimate Award...............Hasher of the Year for 1996:
1992: The Hash Ghost- full frontal nude photo included in this
now-a-collector's-item writeup
1993: No Award; apparently there was no 1993.
1994: In Utero (now happily ex utero)
1995: Wacko - first to 365.
1996: Who has run more hashes than any other non-human? Who, in fact, has
run more hashes than such notables as The Man from Monrovia, Big, Mr.
Sucks, Boots, Mildew, In Utero, STP, Third Grade Crabs, and even Zeke the
Dog? Glory, that's who. And as someone remarked, she raised the average IQ
of the pack by 50 points each time she ran. Cavils that other candidates
such as Effross have run far more are without standing: we are speaking
here of non-humans, not sub-humans. So the much coveted Hasher of the Year
award goes to Glory.
|