PHHH #1219.9
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Place: Cook Preserve, Kingston
Weather: Rain free
Time: 45 minutes
Hare: Hand Solo
Hounds: Hey YO! Paully, Speedbumps, Ouipei, Delicate Psyche, Keyless 
Entry, Eurotrash, Sjorn Dork, Max the Worried Dog, Hare in my Zipper
Rookie: Mouthful of Clam (formerly Ithaca HHH, www.harrier.org/ithaca/)

Descriptions, Polemics, and Lies: Variations on Genesis 5-7

And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the 
face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the smelly, creeping 
thing, and the fowls of the air. But Solo found grace in the eyes of 
the Lord.

And the Lord said unto Solo, Make thee a hash in preserved wetlands 
of municipal trails and fields; checks shalt thou make in the hash, 
and shalt mark it within and without with flour.

And this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of: The length of 
the hash shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty 
cubits, and the depth of it one cubit.

A start shalt thou make to the hash, and in a soggy grove shalt thou 
finish it above; and the on-in of the hash shalt thou set in the end 
thereof.

And take thou unto thee of all food that is not eaten, the beer and 
malt beverages that are not drunk, and thou shalt gather it to thee; 
and it shall be for food for thee, and for them. Thus did Solo gather 
popcorn and edible corrugated shingles and medium salsa and Newman's 
organic Oreos; and Budweiser and 215 steel beverage and diet Coke and 
Pepsi: according to all that God commanded him, so did he.

And Solo was six hundred years old when the flood of waters was upon 
the earth. 

And Solo went in, and his sons, Hey YO! Paully, and Weipi, and Sjorn 
Dork, and Delicate Psyche, and Eurotrash, and Hare in My Zipper, and 
his wives, Speedbumps and Keyless Entry, and their dog, Max, with 
him, into the hash, because of the waters of the flood. 

Of clean hounds, and of hounds that are not clean, and of worried 
dogs, and of every thing that creepeth upon the earth, there went in 
two and two unto Solo along the trail, the male and the female, as 
God had commanded.

And every living substance was destroyed which was upon the face of 
the ground, both man, and cattle, and the smelly creeping things, and 
the fowl of the factory farm; and they were destroyed from the earth: 
and Solo only remained alive, and they that were with him on the 
hash. 

And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the 
end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated. And the 
hash rested in the forty-fifth minute, on the seventh day of the 
month, upon the woods of South Brunswick. And there was much 
rejoicing.

And God spake unto Solo, saying, 

Go forth from the hash, thou, and thy hounds, and thy hounds' hounds 
with thee. Send forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, 
of all flesh, both of two legs, and of four legs, and of every lilac-
scented creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may 
return to the start, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth.

And Solo went forth, and his hounds, and his hounds' hounds away from 
him: his sons, Hey YO! Paully, and Weipi, and Sjorn Dork, and 
Delicate Psyche, and Eurotrash, and Hare in My Zipper, and his wives, 
Speedbumps and Keyless Entry, and their dog, Max, went forth out of 
the hash. 

And Solo pissed off home unto the Wife; and Hey YO! Paully and Hare 
in my Zipper offered full moons on the journey home.

And the Lord said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any 
more for man's sake, nor send tsunamis, and volcanos, and fierce 
rabbits, and typhoons, and earthquakes, and hurricanes, and forest 
fires; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth; 
neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have 
done.

The the Lord paused, and said: Unless, of course, I change my mind.