PHHH #1200.9 Sunday, May 11, 2008 Venue: North Pennington Weather: Motherly, shirtless, but strawberry-shortcakeful despite reaching 1200 Time: 1 hour 40 minutes Hare: Safe Sweats Hounds: Hey Yo! Paully, Delicate Psyche, PyroMan, SpeedBumps, XanaxMax, Pizza Flesh, Wee Pee, Not Suitable for Horses, Itemized, Cliff Diver, Queef Description, Polemics, and Lies: RINGGGGGG, the phone rang loudly in the home of Mother Sweats. "Hellooo!" she chirped into the receiver. "Hi MOM!" "Safe Sweats, my little baby! How are you?" cooed Mama Sweats. "I'm great mom, I'm setting a hash today!" "Oh, baby sweats, it will be the smartest hash yet!" "Thanks mom… umm, could you sing me the song?" "Ahh, the song… of course, my dear, here goes. Old Mc Safe Sweats set a hash E-I-E-I-OOO And on that has he had a check E-I-E-I-OOO With a check check here, and a check check there Here a check, there a check every where a check check Old Mc Safe Sweats set set a hash E-I-E-I-OOOO" "Thanks, Mom… I feel like Rocky now!" "So what will you do this time dear, will you start in Pennington run them down main street, back into the woods and out into Stony Brook Park?" "No way, mom I'm waaay to smart for that, plus I've done that my last three sets. This time I'll start north of Stony Brook, run them south into Pennington and then end at a bar on the circle" "How smart my baby, I told you they where lucky to have you! And how will you keep it too long?" "The song, Mom… the song!" "Of course, dear… don't forget, tomorrow is Mother's day!" I won't, Mom, this hash is for you! Overheard at the On-In: Weeepee: "I found enough deer parts to make a whole deer!" HYP: "I thanked Juicy for letting me hash on Mothers Day; I said I'd make it up to her later, but she has a yeast infection. She did make the pizza. " Pizza Flesh: "Weepee named me… enough said." Of Pyro and HYP: "Cut from the same cloth… yuk." Happy 39th, Hey Yo! Paully! Keep the dogs out of the cake. Next Up: 1201.9 May 18 Sun 2pm DP sets 1202.9 May 25 Sun 2pm HIMZ sets 1203.9 June 1 Sun 11AM Reunions Hash set by WiPi? 1204.9 June 8 5PM ????? 1205.9 June 15 5PM HYP does the solstice? 1206.9 June 22 5PM ????? ====================================================================== Here's another write-up to complement Speedbumps', Rashomon-style: PHHH #1200.9 Date: Sunday, May 11, 2008 Weather: Maternal Time: 1:30 for the FRBs, 1:45 for the hare and stragglers Start: East Acre Drive, Hopewell Township Hares: Safe Sweats Hounds: Ouipee, Hey YO! Paully, Delicate Psyche, Itemized Seduction, Cliffdiver, Not Suitable for Horses, Max the Worried Dog, Speedbumps, Pyroman, Queef, Pizza Flesh Description, Polemics, and Lies A Philadelphia Story Safe Sweats tramped across Rosedale Park, tossing bits of pink flour and deer parts in equal measure to his left and right as he navigated a four-hour trail for the Princeton Hash's 1,200.9th anniversary. No, there wouldn't be any tee shirts or commemorative wine coolers; Princeton was above that sort of self-congratulatory materialism, thank god. But as he walked due west toward Pennington and its infamous speed traps he ensured that the wankers from 87 Prospect stayed off-road and often in level-five shiggy, crossed the Stony Brook and assorted tributaries numerous times, gamboled under towering beeches, Asian redwoods, and shagbark hickories, and skirted obviously private properties in favor of Hopewell Township's legendary horse farms, much to the pleasure of India's newest Olympic equestrian, Pizza Flesh. Sweats breathed deep the May air, perfumed by countless flowering shrubs, far from the madding crowds of the strip malls on Routes 206 or 31. Life was good: whatever it was his employer paid him for, it paid well and offered frequent opportunities to spend three hours at lunchtime peddling 50 miles on his Cannondale. Now he was exceedingly fit, his mind clearer than it had been in a decade, and no one had expressed too much annoyance over his recent postings in the PHHH Yahoo Group. Nor did they in the course of a hash that set a new record for regroups (five), and probably approached the standard for checkmarks, which Sweats sprinkled as if to fulfill the Louisiana Reptile Fancier's goal of pack integrity. In fact the regroups were almost as common as the deer parts, which almost, but not quite, distracted Max the Worried Dog and Not Suitable for Horses from the real thing. It was all very Princetonian until the pack arrived at the incongruously named Wildflowers Inn, about which read more here (www.yelp.com/ biz/wildflowers- inn-pennington) , and whose name should have tipped Sweats off as to what could happen once the pack was seated. Consequently Sweats, who declined hash cash contributions to offset his on-ins years before Pyro and Bumps boldly declined to contribute or accept hash cash, experienced what Rambo warned against: Philly-style hashers plundering his credit card with carefree orders of the most expensive pitchers ($22-24; prices slightly higher west of the Rockies) in PHHH history. "Waiter! Another three pitchers of Nunsbutt Heffalump and don't spit in the head!" Hey YO! Paully, Pyro, Bumps, Itemized, and Cliffie threw in orders for mussels, Smithfields, Hoegaarden, and some pleasant apricot-flavored brew like they were sixes of Piels at the packie (www.boston- online.com/ glossary/ packie.html for etymology), not imported drafts from the Euro and Sterling Zone in one of the priciest towns in central New Jersey. Will the inebriates reciprocate the favor and ratchet up the peer pressure to provide black truffle-infused cheesy poofs and civet cat on a skewer every week? Will the Princeton Hash continue its yuppified slide to Main Line-style on-ins underwritten in toto by the hare? Not if Weepi has anything to say about it: he, at least, has thrown in his $25 for his next five hashes, and next week's hash, when I fill in for Delicate Psyche, will finish outdoors and down-market for comestibles. If you're looking for a free six-pack of Chimay and a three-course meal, you're shit out of luck.