PHHH #952.9 
Date: Sunday, September 7, 2003 
Weather: Toxic 
Location: Outer Fringes of South Brunswick, East of Rt 1 
Time: 85 minutes 
Hare: Dr. Huey Pee 
Hounds: Hey YO! Paully, Lev Hofman, Nuttin' Stuck, Kris Rutkowski, Hand Solo, Red-Faced Chugger
Virgin: Mary Jane (NuttinStuckspal)
Spectators:  Juicy & ZNM

There I sat hunched over my Weetabix one gray morning wondering where I had left my shaving 
cream, when I heard the dog barking followed by a cry of pain.   Sure enough it was the postman 
who yelled an obscenity but still pushed my stack of mail through the postbox.  The envelopes 
fluttered to the ground just as the Missus limped down the stairs.  “Found your shaving cream”, 
she said pointedly.

Sifting through the mail there was the usual mix of bills, final notices and flyers for Car 
Boot sales.  There was yet another note from Rocco, scratched out in block letters:  “PAYUP OR 
I SENDA MY BOYZ OVA”.

I didn’t see it right away, but there it was peeking out from under the September copy of 
Hustler Magazine.  Yes, the Adult Class Brochure had arrived.  A semiannual grim reminder of 
the passage of time but nonetheless a pleasure to receive.  What should I take this time?  
maybe the lecture series on Utopia;   A Seminar on How the Brain Works.   I quickly scan the 
course offerings.  “Weakly Excitable Ghost Images and ON Particles” by H. R?N?W;  “Wa versus 
Ga and Other Conundrums” by T. Yokoi;  “Italian For Engineers”;  “Russian For Lovers”.     
No, none of those would do.

The Missus leaned over my shoulder.  Let’s take this one, we could do it together.  Yes, there 
it was stuck between “Macrame Your Way to the Corner Office”  and “Louisana Reptiles and You”.  
Course #952.9  “Explore the Seamy Underbelly of New Jersey.   Instructor:  Dr. Huey Pee.  The 
distinguished H. Pee is just back from a six-month sojourn through the Siberian Steppes in 
search of the birthplace of our ancient ancestors.  This fascinating raconteur will guide the 
class through places you thought you knew but were wrong.  This field trip will be followed by 
an elegant repast, served in rustic surroundings.  Meet at the South Brunswick School on Ridge 
Road.”

The registration form asked for name, course number and $2 for recidivists, a free trial offer 
for virgins.  This is $2 Rocco won’t get I muttered as I lick the envelope.  $2 for me and a 
free trial for the Missus.

The day arrived and we drove over to the meeting place, properly dressed and ready to begin 
the adventure.  Huey Pee was indeed everything we imagined and told tales of his latest 
adventures, in between long pulls from a flask with Cyrillic letters on the outside.  He 
seemed to warm to the task and became quite jovial as the session wore on.  Enough of this 
talk exclaimed Dr. Pee as we set off across a field of briars and over to the sewer line.  
The other students were nice but a bit strange, they seemed to enjoy insulting each other and 
threatening to beat innocent bystanders.  “Ex-military” explained Dr. Pee.

Then we came to a disgusting ditch filled with primordial ooze.  “Excellent”, exclaimed our 
leader, just the right temperature, perfect smell.  The Missus blanched but gamely jumped in 
and through.    Later on, we stopped by the side of the road and our leader produced some 
drinks.  A woman and child appeared, clean-looking, so at least they didn’t have to go through 
the mud. Before the day ended, the class would be glad they had decided to join us.

Over some barbed wire, across some broken-up concrete and right to the shores of a toxic lake, 
oozing and brown with acrid plumes wafting skywards.  Dr. Pee became particularly animated at 
this point, proudly announcing this to the putative site of a Gap and a Limited.  Oooo-s of 
admiration and wonder greeted this revelation before the pack plunged on, made a hairpin left 
turn then sucked wind for a good mile before stopping.

“Oh, this must be the elegant repast” says the Missus, wiping mud from my face with her 
sleeve.   Elegant it was not, Rustic it was not, but the food was plentiful and the drink 
flowed freely.  Dr. Pee fell silent, the Russian liquor taking it’s toll on his emaciated 
frame.  As the meal progressed, we learned a lot more than the course outline had suggested.  
Each student seemed quite knowledgeable in his or her own field.  We had a series of mini-
lectures, including “Interesting Medical Procedures”;  “Gender Identity at 30,000 Feet”;  
“Remember How Breast Milk Tastes?”;  “Living With Lyme Disease”;  “Places I Have Found Ticks”; 
“The Effects of Alcohol on the Male Libido” and more.  It was in the middle of a lecture on 
the impact of Kudzu on Californian Politics that the Police arrived.  First one squad car 
then the next, with reinforcements on call.

Woman and Child stepped to the fore.  “These kind people are training for the Western States 
100-Miler and this is the 80-mile mark aid station”.  Oddly enough they believed her and with 
a “Righty-Ho Then”, they disappeared.

Soaking in the bathtub the Missus and I relaxed as I searched for Ticks.  Forty-Three, 
Forty-Four, . . .   I counted to myself.  You know Dear, I think we should have taken 
that other course “Making your own Insect Repellant for Fun and Profit” by M. Jones 
instead.  "Next time My Dear, next time".

Sep 14,2003	Course # 953.9
Soak Up the Sun in the Edgeboro Landfill, Led by Lev (or Leved by Led)
Meet at the Rutgers Annex.