STEVENSON HALL HHH HASH # 95 Date: May 25, 1986 Weather: Sun, 80 Set by: Evy Parker and Ned Jackson with aid (?, see later) from the geezer Runners: Matt Baker, Matt Tarlach, Ned Cornman, Carolyn Havens,Harold Feld, Jeff Warwick, Bill Hiser, Dave Effross, Andy Kaufman, Don Miller, Craig Courtney and Dennis from the Thailand HHH "First to Cooler" Joe Burns, Matt Tarlach Description, comments: There was trouble a plenty on this hash and it started well before the run began. Jaxoon and the geezer had just finished setting their part of this potentially memorable hash, a superb series of EFM's running from a cul-de-sac off Old Georgetown Road to Canal Road when what should appear next to the geezer's blue bus but a po-lice car filled with what used to be called "all sorts a cop equipment." Yes indeed, Franklin Township's finest was on the alert responding in a flash to calls from anguished citizens reporting (gasp) a parked bus! As there was no sign of Ossifer Obie hisself, Jaxxin and the geezer decamped taking their lime (street value $0.75) out of the cul-de-sac past suspicious house owners shielding their children behind them as the obviously dangerous pair made an escape from the missing Ossifer. But their luck was not to hold. Fortunately for the frightened inhabitants, the Law had kept its eyes open, and the van was flagged down by the resurrected Obie and the Owner of the Street. They completed a search of the van, carefully tested the controlled dangerous substances found therein, and without the slightest trace of human warmth, warned the pair offa the private property. "What private property?" the geezer asked? "Were there signs?" "Well, not exactly," said the Owner, but he was off right now to get them. "Get outta here," snarled Obie, showing his pointy teeth and leering at Evy, "and if you come back I'll run both of you in." Meanwhile back at cop headquarters, computers whirred, electrons spun and out popped the geezer's phone number. "Hello central, give me Mrs. Geezer" (hardly less dangerous than the old guy himself) "Madam, did you know your old man is out in the woods cutting wood without a license?" Luckily she covered for him, and told the Chief on the line that the geezer was doing 5-15 hard time in Danbury for double parking. So it was that the homeowners of a nameless cul-de-sac in Franklin Township were saved from the terrors of having the SHHHH run past them on a Sunday afternoon. But will their mouse-like lives be forever freed from this terrible fate? Are they safe now from the horror of Effross and his hash bats? Or must they continue to shelter their offspring behind skirts of fear? I'm afraid they must. Because sometime next spring, just when you thought it was safe to go out on the lawn, just as Ossifer Obie is bellying up to some bar, there will emerge from the woods behind them, the Hash of Revenge. The geezer promises. So it started instead at the studio of the late Joe Brown, ran 1/4 mile up Canal Road to the bridge leading to the shady glades of nettles and poison ivy between the canal and the Millstone River.Down a dirt path through thorn woods and pine groves ran the pack, only to find itself again on the road. They ran to the Millstone River from which they were led by numerous creative meanderings (expertly set by Poison Evy during the geezer-Jaquson Reign of Terror) back to the tow path. After a quarter mile straight (quite a bit longer for those misled by Effross who continued past the real trail), the pack headed once again into the woods for another refreshing bout with the nettles and then to a large downed tree crossing the river into the town of Rocky Hill. Alas, Cornman had already been there having shortcut most of the wilderness. (Why was he last to the water stop?) Visiting swings, see-saws and home plate (on,on) the motley crew crossed a creek to pay a confusing visit to the trap rock quarry/sewage plant (four checks, no less) . Amazingly slowly, since headsup Jaksin had driven them through town with many marks noted, they found their way back to Crescent Avenue and up to the moldy ruins of the Rampf Mold Company, where Kaufman wasted a long lead on a false trail. Sighting the car, Hiser and Effross sounded false "ON IN"'s but found only the setters and a jug of (ugh) water, which beverage they later claimed clouded their judgement. The entire group milled about for many minutes drinking the aqueous confusion and ignoring obvious hints ("HOSED" ending one false trail, the complete lack of further real trail, the presence of the setters, etc.) Finally Tarlach had the insight to look inside the most prominently located HOSE HOUSE, several of which were scattered about the premises. Beer flowed, water borne disorientation washed away, and legends were made. Next Hashes: #96 Sunday, June 1, 2:00 pm, Stevenson 91, Josh Weinstein sets, so bring your magnifying glasses. #97 Sunday, June 8, 2:00 pm, Stevenson 91, Andy Kaufman sets the fabled Reunion Hash.