PHHH #826.4
Date: May 13, 2001
Weather: Motherly Delightful
Set by: Throat Deep
Venue: AMC Hamilton Movie Theatre-Mercer County Community Park
Time: 1 hr and 25 minutes
Hashers: Geezer, Hey Yo! Paully, Juicy, DNA Rat's Ass, Ice Blue Balls and 
Fetus, Schwa!, Tony, Discomfort, Nonsensei
Casualties at Start: Mr. Rogers, 2 visitors from Philly


THE MEDEA REDUX HASH


Mother's Day Hash--a delightful affair marked with bucolic streams and 
stress-free running through verdant NJ landscape?

Pshaww. (snort, snort).This was no Mother's Day Hash but a Medea Day Hash. 
  Blood was shed, epidermis ripped, infanticide (err, could have occurred) 
treachery, deceit, accusations, and gluttonous consumption  of imitation 
oreo cookies: all the elements of a C-grade Greek tragedy.

A skeletal synopsis:

ACT I. OMINOUS PORTENT
It all begins with the pack losing 3 hashers on the way to the start. Two of 
them had come all the way from Philly, which ostensibly heightens the guilt 
trip of the remaining pack. (The guilt being so overwhelming, in fact, that 
Geezer issues a decree re: future escort services to the start.)

After much teeth-gnashing, shameless finger-pointing ("Weren't they 
following you?"), inconsequential rational thinking ("Hmm so where were 
they last seen?") and  FINALLY-desperate attempts to materialize yellow vans 
out of  thin air  ("There they are" pointing to a dark green Land Rover),  
the pack heads off towards the swampy woods behind the AMC movie theatre and 
wish their fallen comrades all the best.


ACT II. THE CONCRETE ODYSSEY
After shlepping though vats of toxic mud and grip-iron shiggy claws, the 
pack is faced with a nostalgic challenge: TWO consecutive interstate highway 
crossings.   No act of bravery surpasses the civic act of volunteering 
oneself as roadkill for organ seekers, and with that the pack rushes 
headlong onto I-295 North and South armed only with the 3 words of wisdom 
espoused by Mother-to-be  Ice Blue Balls:

"DON'T TRIP, STUPID"

Next up: a butt-burning 45-degree slide down a concrete slab for the 
hashettes who bothered to follow the trail and a dismal run along the train 
tracks to a much awaited beer check.

ACT III. TREACHERY AND DECEIT
At the beer check, the hare assures the pack that they are 3/4 of the way 
through..  "You know, just a hop, skip and a jump to the On-in" which, 
actually, turned out to be an extra leap, bound and stretch. Psychologically 
jarred from unfulfilled expectations of a much-anticipated On-in after 15 
minutes, the pack ignores the delightful landscape of suburban Hamilton, the 
bucolic streams of the wildlife refuge and heads into Mercer County 
Community Park where another extra 15-25 minutes is spent by hashettes who 
can't seem to find marks.

And that is because the hare, who already assumes the flippant attitude of a 
Republic of Berkeley denizen, has spontaneously decided to move the On-in 
location without laying down marks.

All in all, as the pack  snacked on imitation Oreos and Cheese Puffs from 
Pathmark, it was agreed that this day was indeed worthy of a Hallmark 
celebration.


Next Up: Will Yellow Ball set?