PHHH # 794.4
Date:  October 8, 2000
Weather:  Spare
Venue: Rosedale Park
Time:  1:12
Set By:  The Cuban Assassin and Geezer
Hashers:  Tropical Depression, LLLoda, Hey Yo Paully, Juicy, Definitely Not a
Rat's Ass, Ouipee,    Discomfort, John
Rookie: Karen
Absent Without Leave: Jai aka Break a Leg, or, more appropriately, Hopalong

                                        Hash Dislocation
(With apologies to Lisa Moriarty, R.N., M.S.N., and Wheeless' Textbook of
Orthopaedics)

                 What is dislocation of the hip and why does it occur?
                 Dislocation occurs when the ball of the hip joint comes out of
the socket. This can happen when a patient leaves a WaWa after insulting the
clerk and a police officer, drives his car at high speed on Quaker Bridge Road,
and, on encountering a brightly marked tree in the median, his leg hits the
dashboard at high speed, which pops the ball from the liner of the socket.
                 What happens when a hip dislocates?
                 Initially, it is very painful. The patient is stunned and then
upset.  He cannot walk or follow infrequently marked hashes, the leg shortens
and turns outward--suddenly the hip, thigh or knee can have pain. Most patients
go to the emergency room after chastizing the police officer in the tailgating
car and the tree that was minding its own business on impact.
                 What should a patient do if a hip does dislocate?
                 Lie down, put ice on the hip, ask for oxygen and opiates, call
an ambulance, insist that the driver used to room with the patient, ask to be
transported to the emergency room, and think about all the swampy terrain he
won't be crossing that leads to dead end check marks.
                 How can a patient guard against redislocation?
                     For Six Weeks after Surgery:
                     Do not sit on chairs that are low
                     Do not run down streams over slippery mudstone
                     Do not sleep in any position other than on your back with
a pillow between the legs
                     Do not trip over roots or fallen timbers
                     Do not cross your legs at your knees
                     Do not sprint to the Geezer's car under the happy
impression that you are first to cooler
                     Do not pick up anything from the floor without using a
gadget called a reacher
                     Do not reach down for salsa without using a long spoon or
cantilevered nacho chip
                     Do not drive a car
                 The more restrictive “don’ts” normally only apply for about
six weeks after surgery until the muscles around the hip are strong enough to
prevent dislocation. There are, however, long-term restrictions to prevent
later dislocation.
                     For a Lifetime:
                     Never cross your legs at your knees
                     Never skip across a fallow field singing, "I Could Have
Danced All Night"
                     Never squat
                     Never bring your knee to your chest (as in putting on
shoes or jumping into Stony Brook)
                     Never do the Pelvic Thrust during The Rocky Horror Picture
Show
Constant repetitive motions such as these can stretch muscles and cause
dislocation. Fortunately, this complication can be fixed. Remember, prevention
is the key to a good recovery!

    Next accident waiting to happen: 'Bumps, what's on the menu?