Date:     September 2, 2000
Weather:  Sweating bullets
Venue:    Washington Crossing State Park, from the Delaware River inland

Time:      1:00 for the first group, 1:00 for the second group
Set By:   Rojo
Hashers:  Ice Blue Balls, Tropical Depression, their guest hasher
"Brad," Stop Coming, Hey Yo! Shrinkage, Juicy, Pyroman, Speedbumps,
Millipyro, Pumpkin Pie, Rubber Alan, Discomfort, Nonsensei, Llloda,
Uranus Williams, Jay, Orgo and her special friend Larry Barry and Harry,
Minor minor minor minor Tom the Army Guy, Definitely Not a Rat's Ass,
Ouipee, Geezer

Guest appearance at Rojo's cookout: Steve still needs a name

How Millipyro got his Little Blue Butt

    We could talk about the relentless sun, or the amazing appearance of
Orgo after too many years, or Geezer's layabout family who refused to
hash before their wedding rehearsal party, or the dead end that could
have been the most marvelous false trail in the month of September had
Rojo continued up the brownstone streambed under the Canal, but more
important than all these is the story of how Millipyro got his name.
    For Millipyro was young, though not so young as In Utero, and tiny,
though Llloda was almost as small, and in this year he joined Father
Pyroman and Speedbumps in his first real hashes.  Now Millipyro was a
sensible hasher, who stayed close to Pyro and complained early and often
of how long the hash was.  And because he wanted to be like the other
hashers, he asked early and often how he could get a proper hashname.
    "Dad," squeaked the straw-haired lad, "how did you get your name?
How can I get a name as cool as Pyroman?"
    "Oh," roared Pyro with a hearty guffaw, "Go ask Geezer, he knows
everything!"
    And Millipyro went to Geezer, who is older than spring, and asked,
"Geezer, how do I get a hashname?"
    Geezer replied, "You ask the right questions, one day you might get
the right answer.  Ask Rojo, she's in charge until next week."  And off
Geezer went, trying to stanch the blood running down his legs before the
wedding rehearsal.
    When Millipyro asked Rojo, she exclaimed, "Oh, you poor neglected
boy!  Has Pyro not told you?  This would never happen in B-b-butt-ful
Bucks County, not on my watch!  Why, when I was a girl . . ."
    Poor Millipyro!  It looked as if he would never find out.  The other
hashers were so much older and more experienced and mature that he could
make neither head nor tail of their responses.
    He asked Tropical Depression, who could fell dead trees with no more
than two or three pushes, but TD could only say "Yes, dear," to his
bethrothed, Ice Blue Balls, who was too immersed in comparing silver
patterns with Juicy to explain how she got her name.
    He asked Discomfort, who told such a peculiar story about distant
islands full of brawling, drunken hashers and British dishwashing
liquids that he grew frightened.  So he asked Hey Yo! Paully why he was
called Shrinkage.
    And Shrinkage reared back as if to obliterate the lad, but merely
belched, a great, stinking, camel-breathed belch that turned tree leaves
black and sent Millipyro into the next parking lot.
    When he got back, he asked Nonsensei, who turned very thoughtful and
serious and said, "Mmm, yes, names, they're so difficult. . .  Totally
intangible, and yet they come to you, you don't go to them. . . I say!
Where are those Halloween Oreos?"
    And Stop Coming merely responded, "Ask me again when you're 14."
    When it looked like Millipyro would never find out, he grew impish
and decided to jump on the next hasher he saw.  Now this turned out to
be Weepee, who had been standing sideways to Millipyro until then, and
was therefore virtually invisible.  Now Ouipee was no heavier than a
moonbeam, but he had gotten his name on the night of his first hash, and
was therefore the right hasher to ask.  But instead Millipyro kept
jumping on him until Huipy dunked him in the beer cooler, headfirst, and
then buttfirst.
    "Oooo," squealed Millipyro, "Th-th-that's freezing cold!  Dad,
Bumps, help!"
    It was freezing cold: in fact, Millipyro had a Little Blue Butt that
he would show nobody.  Nonetheless, the name sang skyward in Buttfull
Bucks County, where Rojo presided over his naming, and Little Blue Butt
manfully down-downed a whole cup of Diet Dr. Pepper.
    And that's how Little Blue Butt got the name that follow him
wherever he hashes, for the rest of his life.