PRINCETON HHH #761.4

DATE:  3/5/02000 (I'm not going to be responsible for Y10K problems)
SET BY: Rojo and Juicy
TIME: 1:30-1:45, except 2 hours or so for Tomoko, Llloda, Weepee, and George
Michael
VENUE: Beautiful Butts County, on Neshaminy Creek between the Upper Holland
Elementary School and Tyler State Park
HASHERS: Dancing Fool, Discomfort, Pyroman, Speedbumps, MilliPyro, Minor minor
minor minor Tom the Army Guy, Excitable Boy, Throat Deep, Tomoko, Llloda, Weipy,
George Michael, Will Innes or In'it, Alt.net Alex, Ice Blue Balls, Tropical
Depression, Tree, Darby, Tabletoes, Hey Yo! Paully, Hey Yo! Sister of Paully.
    Special assistant and hashcash collector: Uranus Williams


A Hashwork Orange


    There was me, that is the Grand Dominatrix, and my two droogs, that is Juicy
and Minor Tom.  And we sat in the Bellemead Milkbar, trying to make up our
razudoks what to do with the afternoon. The Bellemead Milkbar sold milk-plus;
milk-plus orgo or nonfat or bonobos, which is what we were drinking. This would
sharpen you up and get you ready for a bit of the old ultra-hashing.
    So, we set, my brothers, a tidy trail that circled and bircled up the
Neshaminy Creek, down cliff and up dale, with much shiggy and bits of muddy wud,
for there was nothing I liked more than to see some filthy old hashers, all
grazzy and gromky-like, a-howling away at the filthy songs of their hash and
going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in their gutty
wuts. I could never stand to see anyone feeling too horrorschow, especially when
they were from Princeton like these ones were.
    Still, some of the malchicks were real bolshy-like, and the first thing that
flashed into my gulliver was that I'd like to have them right down there on the
floor with the old whips and chains, real savage.  So I chatted them up at the
on-in: "What you got back home, little brothers, to play your fuzzy yarbles on? I
bet you got, say, pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with auntie and hear all
proper! Hear angels' trumpets, penis gourds, and devils' trombones. You are
invited!"
    [Musical interlude featuring the William Tell Overture]
    Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made
flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine
flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I privied and slooshied, I
knew such lovely pictures!
    After a bit of spatchka, we were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and
hashed, it being a day of no small expenditure.  It had been a wonderful evening
and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig
Von.
    [Musical interlude featuring Beethoven's 9th Symphony, Second
Movement-Abridged]
    The next morning someone put a tolchok on the door, a real sharp rap, and
there stood the Geezer.
    "Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme
pleasure of this surprising visit?"
    "It's very simple, Rojo, my lass.  You were out last afternoon, yes?  Setting
a very nasty hash, yes?  Word gets around, it got to me, and hashers were left
behind, a very nasty business, little Rojo."
    "It's not true, Mr. Geezer!  You try to frighten me. Admit so, sir. This is
some new form of torture. Say it, Brother Sir.  Do not confuse me with Hey Yo!
Paully!  We viddied the parking lot, there were no cars our glassies perceived."
    "I'm afraid there was, little Rojo. Tomoko pulled in, better late than never,
her little crew followed your set, they skipped the false across the rail bridge,
George Michael got a nasty puncture, they found the on-in, but where was Rojo?
Where were the drinky-winks? The directions to your domy?  They found it, but no
thanks to you.  Little Llloda was deheetitrated, Tomoko was dehydrated, even
Ouipee was feeling a bit savage.  We can't have this, Rojo, A. G. Zaire and the
Assassin seek assurances, they do, that the Hasher of the Year isn't going soft
on them.  As I was saying, Rojo, you can be instrumental in reassuring some Very
Important People that you follow the Rules. Do you understand, Rojo? Have I made
myself clear? Catch my drift, girl?"
    "As an unmuddied lake, Geezer. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer.
You can rely on me, Geezer."
    "All right then, remember, Rojo, if a hasher cannot on-in, he ceases to be a
hasher."