PRINCETON HHH #758.4 DATE: 2/13/00 SET BY: Ice Blue Balls and Tropical Depression, Tree & Darby TIME: 2:59 (including two beer breaks) VENUE: Independence Mall Trenton - South parallel to 295 to the intersection of 295 and 130. HASHERS: Dancing Fool, Discomfort, Pyroman, Jennifer C., John D., Minor Tom, Mike W., Pushnermaybe, Rambo, RoJo, Schwa, Solo, Spawn-o-Solo, Speed Bumps, Throat Deep, Tomoko, Wacko, Wrong Way PRINCETON ROOKIES: Jeanne Murphy and Rob Horton from the Caribbean, Andy "Latecomer's" Pal (possibly "Photo Op") HARD CORE HASH 8 "Recalled to Strife" It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The cops, the tides, the weather, the Hash Gods and the hares all conspired to make this experience as miserable as possible. Who could be so lucky. Gone are the memories of the 242 and Rambo quarry debacles - faded are Geezer and Wacko's comeuppance at the hands and feet of Sandalman - the Hard Core Hash has been resurrected. Shirley there will be doubters who will claim that any hash where Rambo finishes cannot truly be considered a Hard Core hash, any hash without serious maiming, personal injury, frost bite, broken limbs, etc., and yet, for sheer quantity of shitty moments, this hash stands with the best. Here's a "scream of consciousness" review. "Exit 63, Exit 62, Exit 61A. Hmmm, the directions say Exit 61B, but it doesn't seem to exist. Boy, this is hard core already. Quite promising, only, where am I and who are these people? Wait a minute. That's Rambo! Driving since 5:30AM from cHARLOTsville? You have less of a life than me, man. Have you no friends? Pushnermaybe! Veteran of more Hard Core Hashes than any other. Of course. Who are these folks? Jen and Rob from the Caribbean Hash?! Today might be a little different. Into Rambo's truck for a photo op. Spawn-o-Solo's gonna run in shorts. Excellent. Get her some sandals. On On. Off into Roebling Park. "Off" is the operative word, as the hash instead takes to the streets. Pavement pounding? What gives? A trail so wrongheaded that only Solo finds the marks? Oh my, this will be interesting. Finally a downhill through some thorns. Ouch. Whose idea was this hard core hash anyway? We're going to cross 295? Can you say, Bowfinger? What, you telling me we can wander around the 295/195 interchange for 15 minutes and no State Troopers. A charmed hash. Fun watching Pyroman and Speed Bumps down there in the mud flats from up here on the highway. You can climb that fence, Latecomer, we're taking the road. Regroup. Hello. What is this? Two 18" wide, blue I-beams spanning the swamp. Well, I could always take the highway, but hell, what are we here for? Besides, it looks like it's only about 50 yards and if I fall it's only like 15 feet into mud. On On. Hmmm. Interesting. Now that I'm in the middle of this I-beam, that mud looks pretty far down. Can't stop now. Wait a minute. This is kind of scary. No, this is REALLY SCARY! Stop that, if you panic you're dead. Why the hell are you getting nervous anyway, it's 18 inches wide. You don't fall off anything 18" wide. Do you? Come to think of it… No. Don't think! Stop thinking you idiot. Wait a minute, what happened to the mud, and why is the ground slanting away from me, and why am I suddenly up 30 feet over open water, and why is the other side still 50 yards away, or is it now 100 yards away. Come on! It's 18 inches wide! I can't fall. No way. CAUSE IF I FALL, I'LL DIE!! - Stop that, don't think like that, almost there, almost there, good, no bad, what if I fall here at the last 10 feet. I'M THERE! Wow. That was great! I wonder if anyone else was stupid enough to do it. Oh my goodness, look at that. Rojo, Wrong Way… John, Jennifer- even the Caribbeans - everyone is doing it! Why that's even Hand Solo crawling on his hands and knees trying not to whimper in front of his daughter. Wow. This says a lot about the character of this group. What a bunch of morons. Maybe I should wait to see if they all make it. Naaah. May as well give natural selection one last change. Pushnermaybe, that wimpy highway runner, he's calling us down the railroad tracks based on a rock spray painted orange - I think Pyroman's got the right idea, crossing this river of mud. Here we go - a nice trail - on on, on on, on on, this is good, what's that? An "F". Shhh says Pyro. Wait until they come down here too. On On, back along the canal. On and On and On and On - this has got to be longer than the Delay Lllama's longest straight - then again Lllama would end this with an F. What's that you say, Wrong Way? "F!" "F! as in "FFFING long FALSE TRAIL". Strike that look of disbelief off your face Solo, hard core, no whining remember. I wonder if there are marks on that railroad track across this excrement-filled canal. Hmm, I wonder if I'll ever see my legs again. Oh great, On ON back on the other side! These railroad tracks look tempting, but a bad place to guess wrong. Well, at least 4 out of 5 steps in these frozen reeds are solid. It's that knee-bending fifth one that's the killer. I wonder if this mud is any better. Sploonch. Plumpch! no. You know, if I slip down this slanting mud into the water I probably won't be able to get out. Best not to think about these things! Wow, a check mark circle on a tree. Now that's really impressive. I've tried to do that. That's talent. Hey, I think those are marks across this vast lowland of endless mud and broken ice slabs that up until now I considered impassable. The good news is the ice can support you, the bad news is, it's all broken and slanting so you invariably slide down into the most mud I've ever seen. Just gotta make it to those little trees on the far side, almost there, just a little further, I'll just pull myself out the mud with one more step and AHHHHHH, what the hell is this! These trees have spikes in them. What kind of stupid trees are these? Hard core hash trees. Here's 295 again. Hey, that's the Delaware River. Now surely they can't be taking us across that. Please. Everyone else is just running down the road, seems like a good idea. Whoa, here are the hares with some cookies and beer. 1:15. TD keeps talking about tides and eyeing the waterline with concern. Doesn't bode well. We're a little earlier than they expected. No problem, we can get lost wandering around in the mud for another 15 minutes. Oh I get it, we're supposed to cross that dam with 6 inches of water flowing over it. 5 4 3 2 1, it is going down fast. Oh this isn't so bad, sure the top of the damn dam is about as uneven as a hasher's mentality but for some reason my toes don't feel so bad. There, I'm out. SSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT THAT's COLD! Hmmm. I'm getting tired but now I have to keep moving or the circulation won't return to my toes. I hope we can get some running in to warm up. Hey, what's that over by the leaders on that railroad bridge. A cop?! Great. Milling about now. At least I can't feel my toes anymore, that's a relief. Rambo arrives. "No problem. The cop's black. Follow me." But Wrong Way says there are no marks this way. Yet, why do you think they call him "Wrong Way". On On! Did RoJo really just ask that 5-year-old boy if we could run through his backyard? Oh great, back into this frozen reed stuff. Well at least I don't have a broken wrist like RoJo or a sprained ankle like Throat Deep. This is bad but we've already had worse. Oh oh. Spoke too soon. How do we get across this icy stream? Can't see the bottom, and there's so much mud I'd have to swim, nope I think I better go over that log, oops, yikes, oops again, damn mud on my shoes I think I'm straddling this one. RoJo is enjoying straddling this log way too much. Whelpley almost bought it - I think he's doing that Karate Kid pose. How come the ground is going straight up here on the other side of the log, and Latecomer is clinging to some roots, airborne, crying like a child? Boy oh boy, it doesn't get much better than this. How the hell is Dancing Fool gonna get over this log and up the cliff on the other side with his plastic bags full of litter. I'd give him a hand, but he's not on my log. There I'm out. Hey, this is a bit of a climb over here on the other side. Pant Puff Pant. How did those people get over there on that ridge with this incredible ice filled crevasse between us? You mean we have to go down this thing. That could be quite painful. Well, this looks like a good way down. Sure, it's a straight vertical drop of about 30 feet, but what are sweat pants for anyway. Whoooooosh! Now what. Guess I gotta climb out. Hey, here are the hares at the top. We're almost there! Why am I disappointed. We're at 2:30 but this is such a blast, I don't even want it to end yet. On On! I wonder if that hole in the fence was there or if Tropical Depression cut it with tin snips. Hey, is this 295 again? No, it's Rte 130. Did that car really stop for Speed Bumps or is he just slowing down to hit me?! This fence has some very pointy things at the top, but wait, a log over the top?! We really have a kinda love-hate relationships with logs on this hash, (especially RoJo). I see Discomfort is not so fond of logs - she seems to be in a precarious position trying to scale that fence and those pointy things on the top. I'll give her a hand. I'll just stick my fingers through the fence to give her a toe hold. Hmmm. That was smart. I think I'm about to lose two of my fingers. Youch. Oooch. At least I can feel my fingers. Don't sit on those pointy things at the top, Discomfort or you'll really earn your name. Now how did you get that vine to weave around you like that? Why do I feel like Laurel and Hardy? Actually, Tomoko and Jennifer have that claim, I hear Tomoko stepped on a rake-shaped branch that slammed up into the back of Jennifer's head. The anesthetic and injury were simultaneous. On On. Hey, whatta you know, more ice and mud. On back across 130. Double arrow to an F. I think I'll go back down this cliff. I'll just kinda fall from tree to tree - "SNAP!" oooh, I hope that tree that I just knocked down doesn't land on me as I tumble down in front of it. What's that? On hare back at the top of this cliff? The true trail was right across the "F". Damn, and I can't even complain. ON IN! What? Rambo was here first?! Wow. Now I'm really miserable. 'Tis a far far better hard core hash that I have done than I have ever done before. On On to the bitter melon. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- NEXT HASHES: #759.4 Sunday, Feb 20, 2 pm, 87 Prospect #760.4 Sunday, Feb 27, 2 pm, 87 Prospect etc. etc. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To subscribe to the Princeton Hashnet, email the message subscribe phhh to the address majordomo@cdiprinceton.com Post messages to the Princeton Hashnet by e-mailing to phhh@cdiprinceton.com and don't forget to check out our shiggy-filled Web Page http://www.princetonol.com/groups/phhh -----------------------------------------------------------------------