PRINCETON HHH HASH #749.4

Date:    December 19, 1999
Weather: Waxing then waning
Venue:   HI!ghtstown 
Time:    90 minutes
Set By:  Hey YO! Paully

Hashers: Tropical Depression, Juicy, Geezer, RoJo, Llloda, Rubber Alan,
Minor minor minor minor Tom the Army Guy, Ouipee, Tomoko, Discomfort,
Tabletoes, Uranus Williams, Natural Born Lesbian, George or maybe John,
Alex not the navy Seal

Hashers who should have been there but weren't: A Joy to his Mother
Weren'ts who were and should have hashed: NBL's "girlfriend," Jenny the
Geologist

Saving Hasher Llloda

	Paully's hashes always hit the stalwarts of the PHHH like a punch in
the gut.  The bizarre directions started stomachs churning, and on the
drive to 130, tyros and veterans alike vomited over the sides of the
vehicles.  Then they hit the first mark and the flour began to fly, dead
ends leading to disappointment and blinding others in the setting sun.
	They were the lucky ones.  They never knew what hit them in some
nameless wood, where the shiggy raked their bodies and streams soaked
their shoes.  Finally, a clearing and a lull in the hash, out in the
full sun of the winter solstice.  The hashers looked at their grizzled
leader, Geezer, in a new light. He was obviously older than them.  What
brought him out every Sunday?  Where was he from?  What did he do,
anyway, back home?
	The Old Man knew how much they wanted a hash with a human face, how to
respond to personal questions, how to keep them going.
	"WROOONG WAAAY!  You're Going the WROOONG WAY!  MOOOORRONS!"
	Paully wouldn't let up.  He threw everything at them: backyards,
private golf courses, bridge crossings, shoe-sucking mud, toxic silt,
half-built houses, and still it didn't stop.  Geezer never remembered
how he crossed the highway, and stumbled on-on to the wreckage of
Paully's housing project.  This was it, can't go any farther.  He
collapsed in despair, visions of Paully's twisted grin looming up before
him. . . Never again, when in flew Ouipee, full of beans and cute little
Christmas croissants, to show him the doorstep where so many muddy shoes
and socks had been before.
	(Intermission)
	They slumped in corners of the burned out apartment, on the floor, on
what was left of the furniture, on each other.  Low moans nd the acrid
smell of dried blood hung like cordite smoke in the stagnant air.  Male,
female, who knew?  Who cared?  They didn't.  No one cared about the
variety of the beer, the hot soup, the peanut M&M's, the Playboy
magazines, or even the Iggles' stunning triumph over the pathetic Pats. 
All they wanted was to get out of this awful hash and go home.
	Corporal Rubber had more on his mind.  Someone was missing.  Someone
special, what was her name, Diga, Laura, . . . Llloda!  "Where's
Llloda?" he demanded, as if Paully might have stashed her in the
vegetable crisper.  Paully ran outside and came back.  "She's not
outside.  Who wants some soup?"
	Find a small Spaniard wearing dark clothes on a dark night deep in
enemy territory?  It was a suicide mission, an impossible dream. The Man
of La Mancha music welled up, and Toes and Tomoko joined in.  "We'll
bring her back, alive, Geezer. . . . Geezer?"  Into the blackness they
went, armed only with Toes's all-terrain vehicle and a tiny map of
Hightstown.
	Llloda shivered.  It was cold, she was hungry, Las Palomas was very far
away and never like this.  Where was everyone?  She'd taken the point
ahead of Juicy down some depressing straightaway, and when she turned
around, Juicy was gone.  Still, Llloda was no sniveling rookie, no
callow Princeton youth with a cell phone.  Hash-hard and honed by
hardcores and debacles alike, she retreated, tracking the marks of her
lost patrol.
	In the dark she onned and yawned.  Getting sleepy, just lie down in
this culvert, so tired, so hungry. . . Where's Paully?  Where's Rubber? 
The Hash always retrieves its stragglers!  Ha!  I am pissed!
	In the distance, a light, several lights, an Exxon station.    Scruffy
men in overalls and grimy jackets stared and leered.  "Hey, little lady.
. ."  Llloda shot them a burst of Spanish that would have singed
Geezer's beard.  Just then, a red Jeep turned the corner on two wheels. 
Brave Rubber, smart Rubber, fearless Rubber threw open the door and the
scruffy men fled in terror.  He swept up Llloda into his arms as if she
were a cat.  "Baby, I'm so sorry, are you okay?"
	Tomoko and Toes applauded.  At least it didn't end in a cemetery.
	If you get here, you've read too far.  Ouipee