PRINCETON HHH HASH #707.4 Date: April 4, 1999 Weather: Bunnilicious Venue: near Calvary, of course (Fairless Hills) Time: 1:19:35 Set By: Pyroman Hashers: Hey Yo! Paully!, The Easter Juicy, Geezer, Wacko, Speed Bumps, A Joy to His Mother, Uranus Williams, Chris Round, Throat Deep Rookie: Kevin Days Since We Last Ran With the LRF: 91 (sorry, out of counting toes - many weeks) Descriptions, Polemics, and Lies: The Earthling figure who is most engaging to the Trafalmadorian mind, he says, is Charles Darwin -- who taught that those who die are meant to die, that corpses are improvements. - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Slaughterhouse-Five April 4, 1999. Central New Jersey. Agent Fox Mulder reporting. I have been assigned to this godforsaken state for the last time. As Scully is my witness, I will turn in my badge if I am forced to work in central Jersey again. You may be wondering how one month in a small state can evoke such ire from one who is normally so paranoid, calm, and collected. This investigation and its concomitant suffering started about two years ago, with the appearance of a so-called "hasher" named A Joy to His Mother, code-named "Joy". The agency had heard rumors about this "hashing" for years, but we had always figured it was a matter for the DEA (or, according to some reports from our Cuban operative code-named Jorge, a job for the INS and the Agency). We opened an X File last month, after it became clear that there were supernatural forces at work in this hashing. Our inside agents, while carrying out undercover investigations at much risk to themselves, told us that this "Joy" was often seen in two or three places at once on Sunday afternoons in central New Jersey. The agents came to us with tales of strangely-dressed humans cavorting in the most unlikely of places (not to mention the agents' horror at being coerced into running with the aforementioned folk and adopting their sartorial habits). The group's modus operandi appears to be a bit of this cavorting, followed by consumption and *topical application* of large amounts of sugar, tortilla chips, salsa, and beer on Sunday afternoons. The deviant activity was not the part that piqued my interest, however. The agents consistently reported that this "Joy" was rarely seen running in concert with the other hashers. He was always observed to be standing still, pointing at hashers as they ran past him and apparently doing figures in his head. We also have unconfirmed reports that he was occasionally seen as a distant blur, running through the woods at breakneck speeds. According to the most interesting reports, this Joy was merely a disciple -- my job was to find the true mastermind and teacher behind these alleged teleportation activities. The last two months of investigation have been fruitless until this week. Joy was up to his usual tricks until about a month ago, when our undercover operatives reported that he suffered an ankle injury (as if we hadn't heard *that* one before) and would not be hashing for a few weeks. We thought that they might have discovered the true identity of our operatives. In the past two weeks, however, we have made a breakthrough. Our operatives have reported unexplained movement by two more "hashers," the so-called "Wacko" and the more mysterious and elusive "Hey Yo! Paully!" [sic sic sic]. I feel that we are beginning to zero in on the source of this mysterious power, and that there may be a supernatural explanation for it. I just don't know if the operatives and I can handle the depravity, the cotton candy underarms, and the Toxic Waste for much longer. X-X Mulder ---------------------------------------------------------------------- NEXT HASHES: #708.4 Sunday, Apr 11, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Joy sets #709.4 Sunday, Apr 18, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Juicy sets #710.4 Sunday, Apr 25, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Natural Born Lesbian sets #711.4 Sunday, May 2, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Rambo sets!!!! #712.4 Sunday, May 9, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Excremental Earnings sets #713.4 Sunday, May 16, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Throat Deep sets #714.4 Sunday, May 23, 1999, 2 pm, 87 Prospect, Skaar Tissue sets #715.4 Sunday, May 30, 1999, 11 am?, Wacko sets the Reunions hangover hash??? After the Reunions Hash, we move to glorious mid-week hashing. #71? Wed June 16 6 pm The Cuban Assassin Sets, Apres afterwards at the Mrs-Geezer-less Geezerheim. BYOF. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- To subscribe to the Princeton X-net, email the message subscribe phhh to the address majordomo@cdiprinceton.com Post messages to the Princeton X-net by emailing to phhh@cdiprinceton.com and don't forget to check out their shiggy-filled Web Page http://www.princetonol.com/groups/phhh -----------------------------------------------------------------------