PRINCETON HHH HASH #544.4  The 4th ANNUAL HARD CORE HASH

Date: February 25, 1996
Weather: Hot
Venue: ???
Time: ??? 
Set By: 242
Hashers: In Up To His Waist, The Delay LLLama, Trash Can, Dry Martinez,
Pushnermaybe, Nightmare, Road Jaundice, Wacko, TFM, Reluctant Breeder,
Solo, Jaqqshin, LRF, Hand Job, Hot Lips, The Milkman, Eyesore,
Bodysnatcher, 
Guilt by Association, The Geezer

Visitors: Dipship, Yum-Yum, Carl, Bambi (Philly), Fuk Stik (Blue Hen), Bird
Brian (Hogtown), Rambo (Va-Mich), Gunnel Humper (Va-Mich), 

Rookie: Eyesore's Pop.
 
Descriptions, comments, polemics, and lies: 

To quote Shakespeare "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing" would
aptly and succinctly summarize this pathetic, embarrassing, ridiculous,
insulting, anti-climatic, uninspired poor excuse for a major hash event.
Trawling the depths of my lexicon of vituperative amertume still leaves me
with insufficient and inadequate words to describe this most monumental of
goat fucks.

Don't get me wrong. The Princeton hashers are a great bunch. All except 2 4
2, the hare. He is the object of my ire, the target of my opprobrium.

The On Out was auspicious enough. The wind was so strong that as the 30 of
us tumbled out of the caravan of cars, along the Old Raritan Canal in Rocky
Hill, New Jersey, huge tree branches began crashing to the ground opposite
us. Perhaps it was a sign...

There was a GREAT quarry (a Princeton Hard Corpse hallmark), excellent
culverts and watermains, spectacular early-thaw mud, tall sheer cliffs (I
kid you not), vultures, buzzards, gravel pits, water obstacles,
flesh-ripping thorns --- everything one could possibly want for a hash
except --- flour.

There was one plastic sandwich-bag's worth of flour for a hash that lasted
approximately 2 1/2 hours. That it lasted THAT long was a credit to the
persistence of the pack, determined as it was to explore every possible
avenue in search of elusive flour. Let's be clear here. This was not a case
of blind hares or difficult-to-resolve checks. No. This was a clear and
simple case of no flour. Period.

Most of the pack left flour (yes, there were a very, very few tentative
ejaculates of the white dust up to this point) soon after entering the
quarry (perhaps 20 minutes into the hash). Dipshit, Rambo and Yum Yum
huddled and brainstormed, opting to ignore conventional wisdom (which led
around the upper and outer lip of the quarry) and to descend into the
bowels of the quarry. They were rewarded with six more flour marks --- over
an area of approximately 10,000 acres of crushed, fissured and precipitous
New Jersey granite. The others scattered, ending up on roads, in backyards,
at ice cream parlors, at sushi bars and at the On Out (again) --- it what
was supposed to be an A - B hash. The last to arrive was the hare himself,
having gotten lost on his own trail.

The Geezer continued the tradition of holding a private party with his
Glenmorangie and LaGavulin 16. The visitors: Fuk Stik (Blue Hen H3), Bird
Brian (Hogtown H3), Rambo (Sarnia H3 & Detroit H3), Yum Yum (Philly H3),
Gunwale Humper (cHAROLTtesville H3), Dipshit (Philly H3) and maybe a few
others whose names escaped me, were berated for having been so stupid as to
have actually detoured to Princeton for this worthless waste of a Sunday
afternoon.

Princeton had a few salutes to its own, notably for Bodysnatcher,
apparently back from the dead, having missed more than 100 hashes in a row,
and for Jacks-Off, who, interestingly lives down the street from (and
teaches with) Rambo in Michigan, and who had made a pilgrimage back to
Princeton for this most flaccid of hard-cores. He celebrated his 50th *un,
having missed all the last two hundred and seventeen!

Visitors who also did the hard core last year were given 1995 hard Corpse
t-shirts, which all promptly used to wipe the mud off their sneakers.

Rambo was "volunteered" by Princeton H3 to set next year's Hard Core hash
as a cameo guest hare under the principle of "if you don't like the way we
do things here, let's see YOU do a better job..."

True to promise, there was no succor for the stupid, no shelter for
the senile, no rest for the weary, no food (of any merit) for the hungry,
no hoes fo' duh horny and no fee.


Wadda ya want for free?

Your Faithful Scribe,

Rambo

GMASOI
(Greater Midwestern And Southern Ontario Interhasher)


Next Hashes, probably:

#545.4  Sunday, March 3rd 2 pm, Trash Can and Dry Martinez set
#546.4  Sunday, March 10th, 2 pm, IUTHW sets
#547.4  Sunday, March 17th, 2 pm. Hand Job sets
#548.4  Sunday, March 24th, 2 pm Bodysnatcher sets 
#549.4  Sunday, March 31st, 2 pm The Village Idiot sets in S. Joisey
#550.4  Sunday, April 7th, 2 pm
#551.4  Sunday, April 14th, 2 pm
#552.4  Sunday, April 21st, 2 pm
#553.4  Sunday, April 28th, 2 pm
#554.4  Sunday, May 5th, 2 pm  TFM and Reluctant Breeder set
#555.4  Sunday, May 12th, 2 pm The Geezer sets the Annual Flower Power Hash
                                                of Treachery and False Hope