Princeton HHH HASH #499.4
               (Founded by Joe "Hop-along" Burns in 1979)

Date: March 26, 1995
Weather: Perfect Day to take your Pit Bull for a walk
Venue: Squibb on Scudders Mill Road - Nuclear Football - Clem!!!
Time:  1:00 for the SCB's -- 1:25 for the others
Set By:  Dry Martinez and My Lips Are Seals
Hashers: 242, Solo, Wrong Way, Throat Warbler, Katherine B., Wacko, Ro Jo,
         Eyesore, The Madam, Trash Can, Delay Lllama

         	THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL IS NOW OUT OF BOUNDS!!!!

In what has become "The Year of the Cop", Dry Martinez and My Lips Are
Seals delivered their quota of excitement, running us into Clem
territory just north of the Nuclear Football.  As Trash Can quickly
discovered, ole Clem has acquired a Pit Bull in the last couple
years, as well as a nasty looking dog.  Sprinting 
toward the On In, the Madam hurriedly cried, "Let's get
out of here!" unaware that directly behind her were three police
cars and an old Plymouth Fury with none other than Dr. No's ole pal, hisself.
"Okay, everyone in the van quick!  We'll try to outrun him!" exclaimed
Wacko, unrealistically optimistic concerning the capabilities of his machine.
Seal Lips groaned.  "Three squad cars.  Enough to take us all."  I never
met Slim, but as I was describing to the police who we were (the Rumson
Hash House Harriers) and what we do (Lyme disease research) and who laid
the trail (Maitland Jones) and what my name was (Ima Pseudonym) I did
remark that in over 15 years and 500 of these runs this is the first
time anyone had insisted on pressing charges, but Clem was bound
and determined, and, I must confess, for a brief, insane moment,
I think I actually missed Dr No.  Little did Clem know (anything)
let alone the fact that we were the same group he accosted in July
of 1991 as the hash scribes have recorded --->

 "Tennessee Jed [Clem] appeared.  "Hold it Boah!" said Jed, "Ah cain
  call the cops and they'll bust y'all to Hell n back in 2 minutes.
  There's New Law in New Jersey this month, and Ahm It!  The Geezer
  and Solo wanted to cut out his gibblets and try 'em for breakfast,
  but cooler heads prevailed as Dr. No put on a truly sickening display
  of advanced grovelling and Jed underwent a personality change on the
  spot from threatening bluster to fawning acquiescence in a twinking."

"No-less", this time we were at the mercy of the man with one
brain cell, (and shrinking each year).  The
three cops looked almost as despondent as the hashers.  "How many
of you guys are there?!  1, 2, 3  ... 12!  Oh man.  We'll be doin'
paperwork all night!"
"Maybe I can talk to him and get him to not press charges," offered
Wacko.
"No no no, you don't want to talk to him.  Let Jim (a cop) handle it."
And we all waited and discussed the trespassing laws and it became
apparent that the cops were more than on our side.  "This guy calls
us up twice a week.  Come on, Jim.  You can do it," they hoped aloud.
Well, Dr. No would have had Clem won over in one-fifth time and barely
a mouthful of shoe polish, but Jim did the trick and Clem backed off.
"Okay, you're all on notice!  We don't want to see you back in there
ever again, understand!?"
"Yes sir!  Does this mean my insurance won't go up and I don't have
to face Judge Rzeminiski?!?!"
Turns out Clem (Tennessee Jed) patrols the lands
for a man named Harold Jeffers who owns everything from Scudders Mill
to Shalks Crossing to Dey Road and out to East New Road park.  All
of this is "territorious non gratis" from here on for the PHHH, or
at least for six or seven weeks.

And now to the hash, which was actually an excellent rookie set.
After appeasing a security guard at Bristol Myers Squibb, we set
off through the J.P. Moron woods to the Nuclear Football.  On the way
we encountered 'The Son of the Ditch Where the Dinosaurs Died'.
I spectacularly innocuous gully that nearly swallowed up 242, Eyesore
and Solo.  Rojo, recent conqueress of Kilamanjaro, was
not up to the task, as the mud sucked her from view she cried
for help and was rescued by Wacko, who was then rescued by
Wrong Way and Katherine.  The Madam crossed safely at a much
easier spot, but was surprised by baby dinosaur ditches lurking
in the woods beyond, letting out a wail of such pitch never before
heard just before a near face plant.
No doubt, this cry was what first reached Clem's ears and he knew it
was gonna a banner day for him and Bruiser, (and the dog).

We slogged out to the Nuclear Football, admired it's stark posture,
and then headed off to our encounter with Clem.  242, Solo and Eyesore
avoided the next swamp and the Clem bru-ha-ha by shortcutting.
Trash Can has promised a write
up of the details of what followed as Clem was met for the first time.
Wacko, meanwhile, was screaming his lungs out from the woods wondering
where everyone had gone to, but his cries were carried away by the wind and
were heard only by the short-cutters waiting at the end, whose cries
likewise were heard only by the Plainsboro police.


Next Hashes:

Hash #501.4   April 2, 1995,  2 pm  Eyesore redemption hash
Hash #502.4   April 9, 1995,  2 pm  Wacko sets
Hash #503.4   April 16, 1995  2 pm  Geezer sets
Hash #504.4   April 23, 1995  2 pm  Solo sets
Hash #500.4   APRIL 30TH 1995  12 NOON  PHHH 500TH HASH -- LRF sets
Hash #506.4   May 7, 1995  2 pm  Ro Jo sets 
Hash #507.4   May 14, 1995 2 pm  ??? sets
Hash #508.4   May 21, 1995 2pm   ??? sets
Hash #509.4   SATURDAY MAY 27 -- 10AM -- REUNIONS HASH -- ??? sets