Princeton HHH HASH #495.42
               (Founded by Joe "Hop-along" Burns in 1979)

Date: February 27, 1995
Weather: A Dark And Stormy Night
Venue: Hillsborough Municpal Court 
Time: 3:35
Set By: Officer Stephen "Van Hater" Gonzalez
Hashers: Wacko, Hand Job, Joe Dolce
Prosecuter:  Christopher "No Mercy For The Stupid" Bateman
Judge:    The Honourable Henry "Hang 'em High" Rzeniminski
Accused:  Wacko
Crime:    Passing in a shoulder

			   Hard Court Hash

  "Excuse me, but are you the prosecutor?" the woman asked nervously of the 
well-dressed gentleman.
  "Yes.  Can I help you?" replied Hand Job.  
  Hand Job quickly parlayed his "Wall Street look" into a handful of cash.
  "Well, of course, there is the 'out of court' procedure where you
simply pay me $50 and I settle with the judge later in his chambers."
  "Oh, I'll do that."
  Seems the only segment of the population with less brain cells than hashers
appears in traffic court weekly, or in this case, every three weeks, as 
holidays postponed the previous two sessions resulting in an overflowing
courtroom giving Judge Henry "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Constitution"
Rzeniminski a turnout Emily Mann would die for.
  "We're going to be here a long time this evening and there will be NO
talking in my courtroom or I'll find you in contempt and send you to the
county jail for 5 days, and if you don't think I'll do it just try me!"
  He glared menacingly around the room.  The three hashers squirmed in
trepidation -- what, no muttering abuse under our breath at this population
of low lifes?  This was not the hashing way?  Hand Job buried himself in a
spy novel, Dolce sealed his lips, and Wacko was instantly lost in thought,
imagining what would have happened if the Geezer were here....
  Geezer, whispering to Wacko, "Hasn't this guy ever heard of the First
Amendment?"
  "Excuse me," intones Judge Henry from the bench.  "You seem not to have
understood me."
  "Oh, I understood you."
  "Speak like that again, and you'll spend the night in the county jail."
  He glares down at the Geezer, daring him.  
  "We're absolutely harmless, Your Honor."
  "BAILIFF!!!"
  And by the time the dust settled no doubt the Geezer would be serving life
and consecutive terms, as his insubordination record in jail would no doubt
become the stuff of legends.  But of course, then there would be 60 minutes,
the movie and book deals....  hmmm....

  Wacko awakened from his reverie.  Officer "Shoulders are for shrugging"
Gonzalez is not only present, he appears to 'live' for court.  Smiling at
all Judge Henry's bombastic jokes, he was in the courtroom hours early.
Wacko reassesses the situation.  If I can get out of here without my license
revoked and 4 weekends in jail, I'll consider it positive.

Felons parade to the bench -- drunk drivers, shoplifters, guys who owe
$500 in fines for dumping trash but figured they could just move to
Florida instead of paying, drug abusers, an ambulance
chaser -- tailgated an ambulance through 3 red lights and then
passed it on the right -- what did this guy get?  Only license revoked
for 2 years, $1000 fine, 10 days in jail and 50 days community service!
Judge Henry enjoyed his tirade, "You, Sir, are a menace!  A MENACE!  YOU
SHOULD NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DRIVE!!!  I WISH I COULD DO MORE THAN THE
MAXIMUM TO YOU!!!  I WISH I COULD LOCK YOU AWAY FOR LIFE!!  I WISH I
COULD KILL YOUR FAMILY!!!!  YOU ARE A MENACE!!  A MENACE!!  A MENACE!!"

Wacko wet his pants.  "What if I am a menace too?"  He quivered.

Hours pass.  Hunger begins to set in.  Enough for Hand Job to risk some
prodding, (remember talking of any kind meant jail time -- one couple 
deigned to sit too close to one another -- "NONE O' THAT IN MY COURTROOM!")
"I think you should talk to the Prosecutor."  Good idea.  Better deal with
the Prosecutor than Judge Fry.  Prosecutor... now where is he... oh
there he is, trampled underneath those sixty-eight other panicked people.

One last chance.  Wacko chases after Officer "Ban the Van" Gonzalez and
corners him outside the courtroom.
   "Hi, you might not remember me."
   "The van."
   "Yeah (shit)  Anyway, I don't know if you remember but this guy stopped
in the middle of 206 when you signaled your left," he pulls out a nifty
diagram, "and this car braked suddenly, I know you couldn't see it, but
he did and I have two witnesses here who saw it, and the guy following
was coming in fast and I had 8 people in the van, I didn't want to risk
getting rear ended," Officer Gonzalez starts waving him off, enough, I
hear you, but Wacko continues, "I understand your position and I wouldn't
be here except my insurance rates will go through the roof and-"
   "Look, I'll change the charge to Obstruction of Traffic.  That carries
no points and you just pay the fine."

   "The State calls Daniel Wokpress to the bench!"
   Wacko stumbles forward.
   "Your Honor, Officer Gonzalez and the defendant have agreed to amend
the charge to Obstructing Traffic."
   "How do you plead," from Judge Henry.
   "Guilty."
   "Did you in fact obstruct traffic on that day?"
   "Yes sir."
   "YOU SIR, ARE A MENACE!!!!  A MENACE!!!  YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING
IN THIS STATE!!!!  YOU SHOULD BE PUT AWAY!!!  30 DAYS IN THE COUNTY
JAIL WITH THAT AMBULANCE CHASER SO YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE
OBSTRUCTING EVER AGAIN!!!"

   Shackled, Wacko is dragged away.  Hand Job and Dolce are pissed.  They
were promised a dinner.

Next Court Appearances:			Parole -- March 28 -- 6:30 PM
                                        Appeal -- April 28 -- 6:30 PM
                                Execution Stay -- May 28   -- 6:30 PM