PRINCETON HHH HASH #486.4 Date: December 18, 1994 Weather: Gooey Venue: Towpath, Aqueduct Road, under Route 1, lotsa mud fields and creepy Route 1-type office parks and chemical factories and dumps, back across Route 1 to the moribund Holiday Inn. Time: 1.27 Set By: Wacko Hashers: RoJo, Delay Lllama, Solo, Frank, Big Steve, Geezer, In Up To His Waist First to Cooler: Joe Burns We did this once before, I think, so why are we here again? Description, polemics, comments and lies: Oh come on, this is Hash number 5 or something like that. Do you really want to hear about it all over again? Me neither. Anyway Wacko's guru, the legendary Joe Burns, set this one some time in 1980, and Dan's been wanting to do it again ever since. He did and we did, and it was very muddy, and there was a nice sewer crossing under Route 1, and that's about it. What you really want, I hear you all cry, is the ALWAYS ANTICIPATED AND MUCH BELOVED YEAR END REPORT, that's what. Well, if that's what you want, who am I to say no? So I won't. Here comes. YES, It's here, the 1994 Year End Report. Coming soon. Right now in fact, just turn over. The page, stupid, stop spinning. Next Hashes: #487.4 Sunday, January 1, 1995, 2 pm, Toxic Waste sets (YES, really, this legendary, even hashiconic figure comes out of retirement just for us. BE THERE) #488.4 Sunday, January 8, 1995, 2 pm, Solo sets #489.4 Sunday, January 15, 1995, 2 pm, LFBB sets #490.4 Sunday, January 22, 1995, 2 pm, Geezer sets #491.4 Sunday, January 29, 1995, 2 pm, In Up to His Waste sets #492.4 Sunday, February 5, 1995, 2 pm, Frank sets #493.4 Sunday, February 12, 1995, 2 pm, Duncan sets the Third Annual Hard Core Hash. There is still time to toughen up for this infamous event. The Geezer's always eagerly anticipated---> End of the Year Review First Hash of the Year: Jan. 1, 1993, #439.4, "Hangover Hash" set by the LRF in Community Park North, and sparsely attended. History Lesson: Hash #1, October 7, 1979. The legendary Joe Burns sets a loop starting from Stevenson Hall, 91 Prospect. Hash #100, September 13, 1986. The Geezer and Wacko set through campus, the grad school, Marquand Park and the Institute. Hash #200, May 13, 1990. Dogshrinker and Wacko set in the Pine Barrens. Hash #300.4, November 17, 1991. The LRF and Throatwarbler Mangrove set a Simple Tour of Princeton in deference to 15 simian visitors from Reading. Hash #400.4, March 7, 1993. The Geezer sets from Rosedale Park to Terhune's Orchard. Hash #500.4, Coming soon because In Up To His Waist is furiously planning away, buying real estate, lining up bands, and purchasing blocks of air tickets. Can't wait. Statistics: We ran 47 hashes in 1994, plus a Hash Style Run. So we were up a few from the previous year. Get A Life Award: Who ran the most hashes in 1994? Who is it whose life is so bereft of interest that there is nothing better to do week after week after week but wade through mud with this sorry group of whining wankers? Who else, but .......ta da.......ROJO. Poor Road Jaundice was on no fewer than 38 hashes, followed by The Delay LLLama (35), Wacko (34), the LRF (32) and the Geezer (26). Pathetic, simply pathetic. A moment of silence, please, for these poor sods. Best Venue of the Year: #478.4, "Life is Cheap in the Land of the Pheasant Pluckers" Solo wins for the second year in a row. It isn't actually the terrain itself that garners Solo his second straight award, but the dead fauna that graced (?) this run through the rain in Hopewell. It was the extinct penguins, deer, and geese and the hideous piles of swarming maggots that won this one. Worst Venue of the Year: Sorry, still no award. No place has been found that can compete with the worst venue of all time, The LRF's #327.4, "The Warehouses at the End of Time." Worst Set of the Year: Pick any 242 set, and you have a good candidate. #475.4, "Udder Nonsense" is a good example. Your Faithful Scribe had the good sense to miss this one, but those present described it as rivaling Geezerzoon's 8 minute absentee set, and even the many Safe Sweats efforts we came to know and love last year. Best Write Up of the Year: No contest, the description of the Hard Corpse Hash, #441.4, "Le Morte de Rambeau" wins easily. Of course no one knows who wrote it, but it has a kind of reptilian tone to it. Notable Last Hashes: Some Nerd, #448.4. Mysterious Reappearances: Big Nut (#452.4), Toxic Waste (#448.4), Village Idiot (#457.4), Dr. No (#460.4), Mr. Fluffy (446.4). Anniversaries: RoJo (100), Geezer (300), Wrong Way (90) Hasher of the Year: Emma (In Utero) Gnu Rachelle's daughter, who ran three hashes at the age of approximately minus 6-7 months. One of the few people to get her hashname before her straight name. Rookie of the Year: 242, despite his truly dreadful sets. Among his many accomplishments in a short time were a spectacular Dr. No grovelling imitation on #469.4, and the first vegetarian apres cook out on #462.4. Crime of the Year: Safe Sweats on #468.4, "There's Always a Fatal Flaw - The Richard M. Nixon Resignation Hash" I can only quote the write-up as it described the end of the Hash: "But, as we all know, like Richard M. Nixon who resigned just 20 years ago, and to whose departure this hash was dedicated, Safe Sweats is a near-tragic figure; as fatally flawed as Oedipus, as unhinged as Lady Macbeth. Such folk have an instinct for their own jugulars, and Hash 468.4 provided no exception. A mere remark, a casual off hand suggestion was all it took to demolish it all. Imagine a checkmark, finally apprehended at the one hour 10 minute mark, with two hashers vanishing straight ahead into the distance as Safe Sweats regards them with distaste. Then imagine Safe Sweats' remark to those still gathered at the check. "Oh, I'll catch up and bring them back; treat this check as a regroup." Where did the real trail go? You guessed it, straight ahead, exactly where the two were running. What did the group do? Wait of course, and search all other possible directions until, some 25 minutes later, it dawned upon their dim minds that Safe Sweats was probably not on a mission of mercy, wasn't bringing anyone back, and had left them to rot." Runner-up: Hash Style Run, 2/6/94. Milk and Cookies. Comment of the Year: This was made by the winner of our coveted "Law Enforcement Ossifer of the Year," award, a Rent a Cop of the female persuasion, on guard at Mountain Lakes, who asked, "Are you guys the assholes who are running across the dam?" Actually, the runner-up for this award is 242, who replied, in best Dr. No fashion, "Oh yeah, that's us!". Food: Best: #461.4 "We don' Need No Stinkin' GM" apres at Chateau Greer. Worst: #459.4 The slippery off-yellow jalapeno cheese dip provided by the LRF on "Icon See Montgomery Park." Most Valuable Digit: Likes It's toe. See # 473.4, "The Lame, the Halt." Most Disgusting Suggestion: See #484.4, "Doomed" Yucch.