PRINCETON HHH Hash #421.4 DATE: Monday August 9, 1993 SET BY: Hashrat HASHERS: LFBB, The Madam, Road Jaundice , Wacko, Geezer , Safe Sweats, Hand Solo, EIGHT BALLS!!! WEATHER: Hare-raising VENUE: Herrontown Woods by Mt. Lucas Rd. - Princeton Shopping Center - Hashrat's Hole on Ewing St. THE TORCH BENNETT MEMORIAL RUN The history books say Torch Bennett died at his post in the service of his country. This is a minor misrepresentation perpetrated by Torch's hashing buddies who didn't want Dr. Bennett's character besmirched further than they accomplished in his lifetime. The true tale of Dr. Bennett's demise is a well-kept hashing secret - a tale too grisly to be told in public, and even among hashers only whispered late in the evening once a year after the brew has flowed freely for several hours. One couldn't imagine printing the story in a widely circulated, well-read newsletter... which is why this is the perfect place. Torch Bennett was the company doctor in Kuala Lumpur during the war. He'd seen it all, from all angles, and was totally clueless what to do about it. His military assignment to the remote jungles of Malaysia is a testament to the stature of his incompetence. Torch was precisely what you would expect the co-founder of the Hash House Harriers to be. One day, a middle aged woman came into Dr. Bennett's office. She had a sexual problem. Torch was excited. This was something he could tackle. Now here's the part of the story that gets a little grisly, so you may want to skip down to the next paragraph. In particular, those who are weak of heart or discomfited by bad taste should consider themselves forewarned. For you see, Torch was gifted in a manner befitting his epithet. Brimming with confidence, he instructed the woman to take off all her clothes and stand on the far side of the office. Torch then turned his back to her and took off all his clothes and when he turned around she too understood from whence his nickname came. With a ferocious yell Torch came running. The woman felt like she was on the wrong end of a Sergei Bubka training film. She dove for cover and poor Torch, having gathered a full head of steam, plunged "torch-first" into the wall. His subsequent cries were so prodigious that several hundred villagers went fleeing into the hills convinced Krakatoa was erupting. The woman ran over to Torch screaming, "Dr. Bennett! DR. BENNETT!!" Hell yelled back, "BENNIT?! YOU DAMN NEAR BROKE IT!?" Torch didn't die immediately, though he was as good as dead. Eventually the "Pen-light" jokes proved to much. One night, after the hash, he continued running into the jungle and was never seen again. His hash buddies went after him with flashlights yelling "Torch! Torch!", but all they found was an English infantry unit on maneuvers, which is why to this day the Brits still erroneously believe flashlights are called torches. Oh yes, you may be curious what happened on PHHHH's Torch Bennett Memorial Run. Then again, you may not be, and are just trying to avoid doing something productive with your life by reading this trash. Hashrat somehow managed to violate the laws of space and time. Defying the cries of "Boring" as we pulled up next to Herrontown Woods he managed to devise a complex twisting maniacal trail that made the tiny arboretum feel like Yosemite National Park. "F's" on this trail meant that there was going to be a huge circular loop that would come back 20 feet beyond the "F", a fact we refused to believe even at the end when it was repeated for the last time. Fortunately, Eight Balls returned from San Diego with his own twisted concept of hash trails and could decipher some of the Rat's more obscure meanderings. The trail turned this way and that, invariably away from Wacko who surpassed himself in egregious longcutting to the point that he knows little of what happened along the way. Suffice it to say that despite the final mile-and-a-half of asphalt pounding back to the Rat's Hole, even Safe Sweats agreed that the Rat had done a remarkable job with exceedingly familiar territory. The Geezer was so turned around he didn't know where he was (can you believe it?) until he found himself running through the grocery store of the Princeton Shopping Center on Harrison St. The Madam spent most of the time trying to figure out why she bothered to come back again before fall. Hand Solo was glad just to be running, having returned today from England where for some reason they kept telling him the hash was yesterday. Ro Jo was daydreaming the whole time of her Italian skydiving partner wondering how many jumps she could make before he stopped harnessing himself to her. And LFBB spent his time worrying we were going to run into the territory he's psyched out for next week. If you want to see that territory, better show up at 6 sharp! By the way, NYC H3 is not coming this September 1, the Geezer had reread last year's message on his computer. It's too bad he's not around to ridicule. He has headed off in the Geezervan to Nova Scotia and is no doubt somewhere in New Mexico by now. NEXT HASHES: WEDNESDAY AUG 18 6:00 PM 422.4 LFBB Sets WEDNESDAY AUG 25 6:00 PM 423.4 Solo Sets WEDNESDAY SEPT 1 6:00 PM 424.4 Wacko Sets SUNDAY SEPT 11 2:00 PM 425.4 LRF Sets SUNDAY SEPT 18 2:00 PM 426.4 Geezer Sets All Hashes begin with a general gathering at 87 Prospect St. in Princeton NJ (the computer center parking lot behind 91 Prospect St) and a subsequent (and usually immediate) departure by caravan to the start. Call Wacko at (609)-426-0893 (H), (609)-734-9282 (W) for details. HASH SETTERS OF PREVIOUS WEEKS Wed Jul 29 6PM 371.4 LRF set Wed Aug. 5 6PM 372.4 Geezer set Wed Aug. 12 6PM 373.4 Big Nut set Wed Aug. 19 6PM 374.4 Throat Warbler set Wed Aug. 26 6PM 375.4 Wacko set Sun Sept. 6 2PM 376.4 Solo and Sleeper set Sat Sept. 12 1PM 377.4 Village Idiot set Sun Sept. 20 2PM 378.4 LRF set Sat Sept. 26 12 NOON 379.4 NYC set Sun Oct 4 2PM 380.4 Geezer set Sun Oct 11 2PM 381.4 The Meat Man set Sun Oct 18 2PM 382.4 RoJo set Sun Oct 25 2PM 383.4 Throatwarbler set Sun Nov 1 2PM 384.4 Wacko set Sun Nov 8 2PM 385.4 Yakker set Sun Nov 15 2PM 386.4 LRF set Sun Nov 22 2PM 387.4 Solo set Sun Nov 29 2PM 388.4 LRF set Sun Dec 6 2PM 389.4 Big Nut set Sun Dec 13 2PM 390.4 Geezer set Sun Dec 20 2PM 391.4 Wacko set Sun Dec 27 NO HASH Sat Jan 2 3PM 392.4 Village Idiot set Sun Jan 10 2PM 393.4 Eight Balls set Sun Jan 17 2PM 394.4 Pushnermaybe and Diane set Sun Jan 24 2PM 395.4 Solo set Sun Jan 31 2PM 396.4 LRF set Sun Feb 7 2PM 397.4 Throat Warbler set Sun Feb 14 2PM 398.7 Wacko set Sun Feb 21 2PM 399.7 RoJo set and Burton set Sun Feb 28 2PM 401.7 Safe Sweats set Sun Mar 7 2PM 400.7 Geezer set Sun Mar 14 2PM 402.4 Throat Warbler set Sun Mar 21 2PM 403.4 LFBB set Sun Mar 28 2PM 404.4 Hand Solo set Sun Apr 4 2PM 405.4 Steaming set Sun Apr 11 2PM 406.4 LRF set Sun Apr 18 2PM 407.4 Wacko set Sun Apr 25 2PM 408.4 Ro Jo set Sun May 2 2PM 409.4 Wrong Way set Sun May 9 2PM 410.4 Throat Warbler set Sun May 16 2PM 411.4 Geezer set Sun May 23 2PM 412.4 Hashrat set Sun May 30 2PM 413.4 Wacko set Sun June 6 2PM 414.4 Solo set Wed June 30 6PM 415.4 LRF set Wed July 7 6PM 416.4 LFBB set Wed July 14 6PM 417.4 Geezer set Wed July 21 6PM 418.4 Wacko set Mon July 26 6PM 419.4 TWARBLER set Wed Aug 4 6PM 420.4 RoJo set Mon Aug 9 6PM 421.4 Hashrat set Mon July 26 6PM 419.4 TWARBLER set