PRINCETON HHH HASH #305.4

Date: March 31, 1991
Weather: Sweet
Set by: Dan, "Call me Genghis" Kanhe, Suzanne, “Call me Vlad” Walker
Hashers: Chris Gray, The Geezer, The LRF, Dinos, Dee Woodhul
First to Cooler:  Joe Burns

                                          DAN KAHNE TENURE REVOKED


Description, comments:  Press Release:  For Immediate Distribution.  In an unusual 
step, President Harold "Down Down" Shapiro announced today that tenure had been 
revoked for Professor Daniel "Call me Genghis" Kahne of the Chemistry Department. 
When asked to explain this extraordinary action, President Down Down replied, " Well, 
many thought it was premature anyway, and the events of last Sunday convinced me 
that they were right.  The problem is that Kahne simply can't see very far ahead.  It's a 
question of continuity. He can make out the immediate objective but he isn’t able to 
connect it to the next goal.  Once that immediate objective has been attained, there is 
no clue as to how to proceed to the next stage.  It is as if one were following a trail with 
no way to see beyond one's present position. We just can't have that at Princeton, can 
we?"  Others agreed.  When asked to comment, Down Down’s assistant, Robert 
"Gobble Gobble" Durkee said, "Gobble Gobble Gobble, and besides, it is not true that I'll 
drown if left out in the rain." 

Members of the Chemistry department were more circumspect. Chairman J. Eminence 
Gris commented, "No comment, let's just wing it."  Professor L. R. F. Pascal was 
unavailable, as he had disappeared over the horizon searching for Will Keuffel and 
white powdered material.  Professor Maitland, "Geezer" Jones said, "I can't remember 
any Dan Kahne in this department.  Are you certain you have the name right?"

Kahne himself made something of a botch of his interview.  "I tried my best," he said, 
wynging pitiably, "but Suzanne wouldn't let me put enough marks down.  I tried, really. 
Just look at all the arrows I placed on floats in the pond."  Professor Pascal equivocated 
when asked to comment.  "Suzanne who?" was all your reporter could get in the way of 
a statement.  The Geezer was more direct, "What pond?" said he, firmly and forthrightly.  

Rumor has it that Ms. Walker's position in the Chemistry Department is also in jeopardy.  
Chris Gray, head of the Society for the Protection of Easter Bunnies has demanded that 
Chairman Gris appoint a commission to investigate claims that Ms. Walker ("Call me 
Vlad") has been involved in appropriately secret rituals too horrible to describe in detail, 
but which are reliably thought to involve impalings of thousands of sweet little bunnies.  
Other rumors link "Call me Genghis" and Ms. Walker romantically as well as 
professionally.  Despite strong denials from Ms. Walker, "I can't stand the geek - all he 
wants to do is strew white powder all over Princeton," and Kahne himself, "See if she 
ever gets a degree," the pair is reliably claimed to be involved in an ecumenical menage 
a cinc including the Easter Bunny, the Passover Pigeon, and the Ramadan Rhino. 



According to sources, there were a few redeeming features on this otherwise hopeless 
one hour and 59 minute romp through the woods and stately homes surrounding Bristol 
Myers Squidd.  The first wildflowers of the spring were sighted, and an especially evil 
dog was kept at bay by Dinos the intrepid stick wielder, bunny fondler, and fifi 
fantasizer.  The beer was decent. There was lots of private property, and the 
Squiddcops tried to throw Genghis off their turf. Too bad they didn’t get to work earlier.

Next Hashes:

#306.4    	Sunday, April 7    	2 pm The Geezer sets.
#307.4    	Sunday, April 14	Vigue sets
#308.4     	Sunday, April 21 	 LRF sets
#309.4     	Sunday, April 28  	Wacko sets
#310.4      Sunday, May 5     	Vigue sets