PRINCETON HHH HASH #300.4 and Year-End Review Date: November 17, 1991 Weather: Prehistoric Set by: The Louisiana Reptile Fancier, Throatwarbler Mangrove Hashers: Davis, Toxic Waste, Zacher, Dinos, Wrong Way, Big Nut, The Geezer, Wacko, Hand Solo, Dr. No, Bo Diddle, The Louisiana Reptile Fancier, Toejo, Throatwarbler Mangrove, Flasher Gordon, Eight Balls, Kendra Hershey, Bodysnatcher Rookies: Dave Krieger Simian Visitors: Dawg, Spawn, Flamer, Will He, Nofing Brains, Notted Slot, Nobing Brains, Willow, Christoff, Bruce Bender Other Visitors: Target First To Cooler: Joe Burns Description, comments, polemics, and lies: You waited 36 hashes for us to catch up and have the 300th, so stop complaining about late write-ups! Hash #1, October 7, 1979. The legendary Joe Burns sets starting from Stevenson Hall, 91 Prospect Hash #100, September 13, 1986 The Geezer and Wacko set through campus, the grad school, Marquand Park and the Institute. Hash #200, May 13, 1990 Dogshrinker and Wacko set in the Pine Barrens. At this accelerating rate we will have #400 in late ‘92, #500 and #600 in ‘93 and then start retrograde.... spiraling backwards into our navels. (It’s a relativistic effect, Simians, see Astrophys. 501, “Introduction to All There Is” or, “Stars for Rabbits”). THROWBACKS TO THE DAWN OF TIME In deference to our visitors, the LRF and the Warbler set a standard, no-nonsense, non- taxing Tour of Princeton designed to keep the folks from the Sticks somewhat in touch with civilization. Dr. No had warned us that we were likely to have some visitors not well able to cope with anything especially difficult, but we were unprepared for the reality of the situation; for the – dare I say it? – the low level to which these unfortunates from deepest Pennsylvania had devolved. For example, when confronted with a tunnel filled with malodorous filth, rank with garbage and disease, clearly constricted at its far end, in short, the cloaca of the Earth, would you: a) look around dimly and dive right in b) scratch your navel and dive right in c) go “Baaa” and dive right in d) all of the above e) cross the 20 ft road and avoid the simian trap We leave it to you, gentle reader, to guess the outcome for Captain Lycra and his colleagues. Speaking of Captain Lycra, (winner of the David “Effross” Effross Overcompetitiveness Medal with Oak Leaf Cluster), let it be noted that he may indeed have fallen victim to the hideous microbes lurking in the tunnel. After he emerged, it rapidly became apparent that he had been rendered unable to utter a sound while frontrunning. Nothing else could explain his silence, I suppose. There were other pitiful sights. Unable to appreciate the Gourmet Designer Chili provided by the Geezer, and perhaps intimidated by the intellectual tone of the ON ON, our guests turned to attempts at conversation. Unaware of the rich tradition of witty repartee of the PHHH, they were stunned at Toejo’s parries and ripostes to their crude efforts, and soon relapsed into the gutteral mumblings and saurian grunts that characterize the primitive speech of these cretinous Throwbacks to the Dawn of Time. Just consider the names of these poor morons – “Dawg”? “Flamer”? Talk about boring! Talk about unimaginative! Consider some real names – “Throatwarbler Mangrove” – “Louisiana Reptile Fancier” – “Goosed to Death” – “Dances with Frogs” – those are names to be reckoned with. But enough of these sad folk. Given another 20 or 30 million years they may well start on the evolutionary track. Time now instead for a more upbeat subject. Here’s the long- anticipated, GM’s........ REVIEW OF THE YEAR’S PATHETIC HIGHLIGHTS! First Hash of ‘91: set by Dinos, #292.4 (1/6/91) was a rehash (see what I meant above? What a brilliant pun!) of #88 (4/6/86). The venue was the Great Monmouth Junction Landfill, which is what one calls a garbage dump these days. The garbage had not improved with age, and Dinos’ set was typically pathetic. Comment of the Year: Fluke Lemming, 1/20/91, #294.4, “Remember when we turned by that tree?” Food of the Year: Cat Soup: Dinos serves it at the apres on # 297.4, 2/9/91. Flower Power Hash: #310.4, 5/5/91. A Geezer Tradition much beloved by all. GDA gets his Name: # 312.4, 5/19/91. Apres of the Year: # 313.4,5/25/91, Belle Mead Inn, $1.25 pitchers and the man from Belle Mead Welding -or was it two men? (Also the return of the Euclidian Hasher – For you folks from Reading, Euclid was this Greek geometer who... well, I don’t think you would understand). Also, Goosed to Death’s last Princeton Hash. Dances with Frogs last Princeton Hash: #317.4, 6/26/91 Dybvig appears! #318.4, 7/4/91. What’s a Dybvig? Year’s Best Cringing: Dr No puts on a truly disgusting exhibition of fawning before Tennessee Jed, # 322.4, 7/31/91 Worst Hashvenue of the Year (and all time). The LRF sets at the Warehouses at the End of Time, #327.4, 9/8/89. Big Nut gets his name: #328.4, 9/15/91 Worst Sets of the Year: Dr. No and GDA set repeat 2.5 hour death marches, #338.4 and 339.4, 12/1/91, 12/8/91.