STEVENSON HALL HHH HASH #152.2 Date: December 27, 1987 Weather: Looming Set by: Smith and Smith Runners: Hyde, Wachspress, The Geezer, MJ, III, Andy Kaufman, Adam Kaufman, Fitzsimmons, Rookie Bill O'Driscoll "First to Cooler" Joe Burns Description, comments: *** Welcome to "Pennsylvania." You are standing in a clearing behind a large brick house. There is a Geezer and his son here. The Dreaded Kaufman Brothers are here. There is a Hyde here. There is a Wachspress here. Several cars can be seen. Enter the brick building. *** You can't. The building is locked. Look in the cars. *** There is nothing in the cars. Go home. *** A mysterious force prevents you. Help. *** There is no help here. Enter cars. *** The doors are shut. Open car doors. *** Opened. Enter cars. *** You are in the cars. Drive. *** The doors are open. Close car doors. *** Closed. Drive. *** Where do you want to drive? Drive many miles across a mighty river to another state, open car doors, get out of cars and play football. *** You are in Pennsylvania, playing football and falling into bushes. There is no Smith here. Find a Smith. *** You'll be sorry. A Smith is found along with an O'Driscoll. A mysterious stranger named Fitzsimmons appears. He'll be sorry, too. Run after the Elder Kaufman Brother in a random direction getting nowhere. *** Are you crazy? You do that every week. You can't do that here. There is a footbridge in the distance. Follow marks. *** You can't see any marks here. Ask the Smith to find marks. *** Done. Follow marks. *** You run in a circle through parking lots getting tired. There is a footbridge in the distance. Follow marks to footbridge. *** Done. You are getting more tired now. But we have only begun! *** I don't understand the word "begun". Cross bridge. *** Crossed. You are at the entrance to a vast garden which seems vaguely threatening. In the distance you can see many thorn bushes. A train whistle echoes mournfully in the distance. Dogs begin to bark now. Follow marks through garden. *** You bound along paths until you see a rusty railroad. Follow tracks forever. *** You can't do that, although it would be a good idea. The mysterious force compels you to follow the marks. There is Iron City Beer here. Drink beer. *** Ah! That tastes good. You feel stronger now. Run. *** What do you want to run after? Run after marks. *** Done. You are lost now. There is a vast concrete Swamp of Condos in the distance. You have been running for 45 minutes now. Enter Swamp of Condos. *** Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. Follow marks. *** You can't see any marks here. North. *** Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. South. *** Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. East. *** Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. etc. etc. etc. Eventually.......... East. *** Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. There is a particularly vicious looking dog here. You are getting tired again. There are marks leading into a construction site. Follow marks. *** The vicious dog snarls at the Geezer who snarls back. The dog cowers. Several teenage louts appear shouting derisively. The Dreaded Kaufman Brothers and the mysterious Fitzsimmons shout back. The teenage louts vanish in a puff of orange smoke. You are transported to a vast sea of mud. There are no marks. There is a sign saying, " Beer Near." You are definitely very weak now. Search for marks. *** There are no marks here. North. *** There are no marks here. There is beer here. There is a half-finished building in the distance. Drink beer and enter half-finished building. *** Done. You feel stronger now. There is a nasty Rent-a-Cop here. Put Rent-a-Cop in dumpster. *** The dumpster is closed. Kaufman the Younger opens dumpster, puts Rent-a-Cop in dumpster. *** Done. There is a Smith here. Kill Smith. *** You can't do that here. Ask Smith for marks. *** Smith says he can't find marks because his father set this part of the Hash. Ask again. *** This time Smith finds marks. You are in another Condo maze. You forgot to close the dumpster and there is a Rent-a-Cop here mumbling about private property. Enough! Quit. *** You can't. I am in control. Run endlessly though concrete streets. *** Done. There is a road here, with a field containing 50,000 prehistoric geese nearby. Follow road. Frighten prehistoric geese. *** The Geeser frightens the geeze. 50,000 frightened prehistoric geese fly away with a terrible whir. Their departure reveals marks among the prehistoric geeshit. Follow marks across the EFG past houses. *** Done. You are tired again. You see the rusty railroad tracks again. There is beer again. The cry of Hashit, Hashit!! is heard. Follow tracks, ignore beer. Do not award Hashit. *** Done. There is a reservoir in the far distance. The Dreaded Kaufman Brothers disappear in a puff of purple smoke. The mysterious Fitzsimmons vanishes. Two particularly nasty dogs chase the Geezer. A mutant Chihuahua attacks the Geezer's son. Run. *** You follow the marks along the tracks to a path circumnavigating the reservoir. You ignore several pathetic checks. There is a causeway in the remote distance. Follow causeway. Ask the Smith how much longer. *** Done. He says 20 minutes. He lies a lot. Hyde leads the diminished pack onto a slippery path along the reservoir's edge. Follow marks. *** Done. There is a dam. Cross dam. *** Wachspress crosses dam. Wachspress calls "ON ON." The Geezer, Hyde, MJ III and O'Driscoll follow. You are very tired now. There is a rock slide leading down to a magic fountain in the woods. A stream leads into the woods. Stagger down rocks, run past magic fountain, enter woods of thorns. *** Done. There is a hill here. There is a parking lot in the distance. You can hear cars. There is no Smith here. End! Follow marks and find beer in parking lot. *** Not yet! There is no beer. You are in a cheerless parking lot. There are marks leading up a hill into the distance. You have surpassed the record of Smith's Hash of Long Mud (#???, 2:06). You have run further than Weinstein's Hash of Microdots (#92). There was a strike on that Hash, The Hash That None Finished, when it reached the NJ Neuropsychiatric Clinic where the hashers felt at home. Do you wish a strike here? No. No beer. Kill The Smith instead. *** He is not here. Follow the marks or die yourselves. Follow marks. *** That's better. The marks run along a road up a hill into more streets with houses. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. Not again! Enough. Stop. Kill the Smith. Follow marks. *** You can't stop here. There is no Smith here. Done. You are in a maze of twisty passages all of which look alike. Follow marks. *** You are shuffling now. There is a Smith here in a car. Kill the Smith. *** You can't. He is in a car. Ask the Smith how much further. *** He says 500 feet. He lies a lot. I know, I know. Shuffle along marks. *** Done. There is a house with arrows. There is beer here. There is a family here. Ask family for beer, popcorn, soup, oxygen tents and intravenous glucose. *** All are provided. Hyde says she feels OK. Kill Hyde. *** Do you really want me to kill Hyde? She is a driver and I don't know where her keys are. A Smith appears. Send Smith to find the Dreaded Kaufman Brothers and the mysterious Fitzsimmons. They'll tear him into itty bitty pieces and feed him to the prehistoric geese. *** Done. The Smith returns with the DKB and the mysterious F. They were too weak to tear him into pieces. Drink much more beer. *** Done. You can quit now. For the record, Joe Burns finished at 2:35. Quit. *** Done. Next Hashes:#153.2 January 3, 1988, 2 pm, Stevenson 91. Quackenbush Sets. #154.2 January 10, 1988, 2 pm, Stevenson 91. Kaufman/Hyde Set.