PHHH #1132.9
Date: Super Bowl Sunday, February 4, 2007
Place: Super Bucks County Visitor Center
Weather: Super Sunny and Frigid
Time: 2 hour +
Hare: Cliff Diver, Itemized Seduction
Hound: Hey YO! Paully, Pyroman, Speedbumps, Oliver the Wonder Dog,
Delicate Psyche, Dancin' Fool, Quakenbush III, WeePee
Visitors: A myriad from Philly, Rumson, and Kuala Lampur,
outnumbering the P'ton set

The hash had ended hours ago, the game was over, and everyone had left
the house of Itemized Seduction and Cliff Diver, or so they thought.
Mama Seduction walked into the kitchen, obviously agitated. "Dear,
who is the short guy who won't leave?"

"Hmmm… I'm not sure." said Itemized, as she and Cliff Diver walked out
of the kitchen. Sitting comfortably, watching the post game with a
bowl of chips in his lap and a bottle of Stegmeier in his hand, sat
the Dwarf. "Umm, I don't remember you… which hash are you from?" said
Itemized. "In fact I don't recognize you from any of the hashes."

The dwarf chuckled in a way that sent shivers down Cliff Diver's
spine, "you could say I'm sort of with the PHHH. I've got a friend
outside who wants to talk to you."

Warmed by a few Brazilian brews, Cliffy stood his ground. "Look
buddy, this is our house, the game's over, it's time for you to
leave." Just then he found his arm behind his back, being forced out
the back door. The Dwarf stood, threw a Steg bottle across the room,
motioned for Itemized to follow. "Uh… don't tell Jorge I did that."

Outside on the patio, their eyes adjusting to the dark, they could see
the silhouette of a man sitting in the hot tub. "Hey, the tub's been
off, there's a half-inch of ice on that thing!" exclaimed Itemized.

"More like an inch" said the shadowy figure, taking a slow drink from
the bottle of Stegmeier.

"Hee Hee" chuckled the Dwarf, "this is going to be more fun than when
he gave it to Dork a few months ago." The Dwarf felt the Steg bottle
hit his head before he ever saw the Assassin's hand move.

"Shut your mouth" snarled the Assassin. "Look, I don't have time to
go into all the details, let's just say those who have been in the
PHHH for long enough know who I am, and they know it's to their
benefit to listen to my advice."

As the reality of the situation dawned on him, Cliff Diver spoke up
"Look, Ok, I admitted that I screwed up, it was too long… sorry about
the death march!" It was no accident that the next Steg bottle barely
missed Cliff Diver's head, but Itemized suddenly realized the benefits
of beer in cans, as Cliff Diver became silent.

"Cliffy, Cliffy, Cliffy", said the Assassin slowly and almost sweetly.
"You don't get it, do you?" He rose from the frigid water. Cliff
and Itemized realized for the first time he was bare-assed naked. He
walked over and swiftly kissed Cliff Diver on each cheek. "Nice work…
not since Rambo's Hard Core debacle in the Quarry has anyone done more
to keep visitors from ever returning to a Princeton hash." A tear ran
down the Assassin's face. "OK, back to the Bellmeade Inn, guys."
Without another word, the three walked into the night.

Cliff, visibly shaken, turned to Itemized who had not said a word in
some time. "It's OK, they've gone…hey, are you OK?"

"Cliffy, that water was below freezing"

"Yeah?"

"No shrinkage," she whispered.

"Damn"