PHHH #1122.9
Date: Sunday, November 26, 2006
Start: Montessori School, Cherry Valley Road
Weather: Globally appropriate
Time: 1:40
Hare: Delicate Psyche
Hounds: Hey YO! Paully, Warren Baelen, Windbreaker, Ouipee, Nuttin' Stuck
Virgin: Catrina Spelacci

Descriptions, Polemics, and Lies

If the hare had not taken his beloved's advice two weeks ago, stayed
in Ouipee's swamp and gotten his brains appropriately distributed to
the amphibians in the vicinity by Windbreaker on her return from
Nairobi, someone else might have saved us from this circuituous death
march. Not to say there weren't compensations: the red fox and the
owl, two herons separating, deer eating the pear trees, numerous
refreshing stream and brook crossings, and plenty of stimulating
terrain, some of it even public or at least not private. No one
actually got out of the silver SUVs that stopped and surveilled the
first pack on Mountain View Road, and Warren didn't have to assume the
position, thank Oberhauptoffizer Todt of the Hopewell Schitz Staffen,
and ask for another because no one called the polizei. 

Despite the hare's best efforts to disperse the hounds by abandoning
marks for a quarter mile in gentry farmer Obey's field and then
multiplying them like rabbits on the golf courses that seem to be
multiplying like rabbits off the Great Road, to everyone's
astonishment what had been three packs
(Ouipee-Warren- Windbreaker- Catrina, HYP, Nuttin Stuck) became one on a
fairway, which caused only one duffer to blow par if not lunch. Not
long after, with the sun having set and the pack heading into another
wood, everyone agreed that an on-in would be a Good Idea, with
Delicate Psyche's homemade spruce-flavored panther piss and some of
that flying squirrel smoked jerky than Maw and Paw Bradbury send for
the holidays. But we had to settle for snow cones of water on the golf
course before plunging over an unexpected precipice in the woods beyond.

At the bottom, Weipie, who had led the pack lemming-like over the
ledge, discovered the hare and what appeared to be on-in fare for his
friends the cervidae: a great heap of uncracked corn off the cob.
"Sure good eatin'," spewed the FRB before the pack or, rather,
Windbreaker, shook Delicate down for the directions to the on-in from
the last of umpty-ump checkmarks.

There we found out how Nuttin Stuck flew in from Los Angeles, or not
(more on the travails of airline pilots is available in this
depressing article: www.princetoninfo. com/200611/ 61122c01. html), ate
hot beans from Malaysia and rose-flavored Turkish Delight from
Brooklyn, heard how the world's environmental ministers contributed to
global warming by flying to Nairobi to conclude they had nothing to
say and then saying it anyway ("We need to do something about global
warming." "Yes, I quite agree with my colleague from China." "And I
concur with the gentleman from Texas." Etc., etc.), and made the
virgin and the hare (now there's a title for a book on global warming)
do down-downs involving Virgil's root beer from the hot beans box.
Catrina, still stunned by the quality of the legendary MFEMFEMFE Hash
repartee, reprised Llloda's wet sweatshirt contest and promptly got
the chilblains. 

As a final fillip, we returned to the Montessori driveway a half-mile
east, only to find an educational challenge: how do you remove your
cars from private property when the gateway is gated? If you're like
impatient Montessori parents in Humvees, you buck the 8-inch
kerbstones and drive around on the grass. If you're the
preternaturally retarded but creative members of the PHHH, you wiggle
the latch to discover that the gate is not locked. On on!

We need hares for December--where are those wastrel students and
EPO-ingesting distance runners when we need them?