PHHH #1111.9
Date: September 10, 2006 3:00 PM
Site: William Ridgeway Park, Montgomery County, PA
Weather: Partly partly, sunny and humid
Time: 1:30 first wave, 2:00 second wave
Hare: Queef
Hounds: Ouipeiux, Caligula, Pyroman, Speed Bumps, Oliver, Hey Yo 
Pauly, Bjorn Dork, Itemized Seduction, Cliff Diver
Also Seen At Start and Finish: Just Alexis, Just Zack, Just Jake

Queef's Quality Time Hash

Who said you can't spend quality time with the kids and hash, 
too? I think it was Just Zack, the eldest of Queef's fine children, 
who laid down the gauntlet for his old man to prove him 
wrong. "What's a gauntlet, Dad?" asked Just Zack, who had beaten 
Cliff Diver in a one-on-one basketball game at William Ridgeway Park 
prior to the hash. Queef replied, "A gauntlet is the son or daughter 
of a gaunt!" "Oh, brother…" muttered the fourth grader under his 
breath.

This hash began under mostly sunny skies at the leisurely time of 
approximately 3 pm, as wankers drifted in from surrounding `burbs in 
dribs and drabs. Pyroman and Speedbumps, accompanied by the hound 
from My Three Sons, Oliver, were anxious to get started after a 
hiatus from the Princeton Hash due to summer vacationing, most 
recently in Trinidad & Tobagos. Half of the hounds took off across 
Ridgeway Park, a tidy suburban oasis in Montgomery County, PA. The 
remaining hashers, Itemized Seduction, Cliff Diver and Hey Yo Pauly, 
gave chase a few minutes behind, which proved to be fateful as the 
trio never again caught up to the pack.

Cruising along the first road out of the park was a check was that 
further stymied the latter day hashers, as each sped off in separate 
directions near a train station and used car lots. Flour was not to 
be found for nearly fifteen minutes, until the three regrouped and 
trudged into an adjoining golf course. By this time the front 
running bastards were well ahead, navigating the roads of Montgomery 
among pool supply warehouses, train tracks, golf links, and upper-
middle class homes. This reporter can only speak from the 
experiences occurring at the back of the pack, where Itemized, Pauly 
and Cliffy were actively engaged in finding trail in leg-slicing 
shaggy on the edges of Philmont Golf Course.

While searching for white stuff on Philmont's 7th fairway, a few 
distant "On-On"s could be heard, but from which direction could not 
be discerned. Alas, the dust had settled, and our second wavers were 
continually thwarted by multiple checks (too bad these checks 
couldn't be cashed). Innumerable false trails further slowed the 
followers, who ultimately realized that they could blow through the 
falses and pick up trail again soon thereafter. After one of the 
series of flour, flour, false, check, flour, Itemized longed aloud 
for a libation near the Philmont Train Station. She must have 
smelled the long gone beer check guzzled by the first wave at this 
point, Oliver having spilled some Labatt's on the tracks, no doubt.

This trail was atypical of most Princeton hashes as paved roads 
outnumbered forest paths by a wide margin. A welcome respite from 
the hilly macadam was a trip over a highway bridge, where a waterfall 
plunged fifty feet below. Hey Yo Paully was leading the second wave 
down the trail here, when Cliffy mentioned that the waterfall could 
have been a great place to have a soothing cocktail. No sooner had 
the thought been made public, when the trio made their way down a 
rugged culvert to a Little Playmate cooler keeping a jug of water ice 
cold. Kudos to the largest Mini-Queef for his art check cum water 
check.

A meadow was then encountered, where flour was more plentiful, 
scattered on trees and grass. Ranging up through this overgrown 
field, the latter day hashers found white mounds at the highway, down 
a bit from the culvert/bridge they had just scaled. A check at the 
cross-roads was a final torment, before Pauly blared his lung horn 
that we were on trail, in a large brick apartment complex. Sensing 
ON-IN, the stragglers pressed on through another series of checks, 
through parking lots and lanes within the apartment labyrinth. 

Up ahead was a small gathering of barbequers, tossing around a 
football and swigging beer. One of the locals cheered the hashers, 
mimicking Itemized' call of "On-ON", but it was a hollow attempt. 
Flour was now densely packed, as a trail led up a short cement 
staircase to, could it be, the hare's dwelling? In through the 
apartment door, through the hall, and out the back door led the 
markings, before making their final left turn down a gentle slope to 
the ON-IN, where the first wave hashers were nearly sated with 
Labatt's, Yuengling, tube steaks, salsa, chocolate cookies, chips, 
and hot peppers.

Queef's younguns were being entertained by the full compliment of 
hashers now, chasing footballs, toasting lawn refuse on the 
smoldering mini-grill, and piling action hero dolls on an 
overburdened stuffed black cat. Bjorn Dork was playing keepaway 
with a baseball and Just Zack. Caligula, licking his wounds from a 
sofa vomiting incident the night before, was playing squat against 
the wall and drink. Ouipieux was having his best mini-camp ever, 
trying out for both the baseball and football squads. The slender 
guffawer launched an errant spongeball into the back of little Jake, 
heroically holding down first base on his blankee. The youngster 
shook it off, unscathed. Then later, the littlest legume kicked a 
high spiraling green Chinese football into an overhanging shade 
tree. Leagues of hashers stepped up with giant rocks from the 
surrounding earth, coming perilously close to crashing the windows of 
a parked Chevy camper van in the nearby parking lot.
A few rocks actually struck the football, but none were able to 
dislodge the pigskin from its newfound perch. Ouipieux's agent 
suddenly called in to cancel his football contract.

Afterward, all said goodbye to Queef, his nice kids, and his football.
A quality time was had by all.

ON ON,

Cliff Diver, with help from Itemized Seduction