PHHH #1105.9
Date: Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Weather: Really tumid
Time: Two hours plus
Start: The end of Pine Street, Roosevelt
Hares: Bubbles
Hounds: Hand Solo, Safe Sweats, Ouipee, Hey YO! Paully, Discomfort,
Full Moon Smiling, Hare in my Zipper, Delicate Psyche, Itemized
Seduction, Cliffdiver, Dave Colucci nka New to Great Sex, Alex Fuller,
Scott Mildrum, Mandy Sweeney (2nd hash and what a trooper—i.e.,
moron), Molly Baker, and Warren whatshisface, who won't make the
statistics without a surname, even if this is his 2nd hash after 1102.9.
Seen and enjoyed at the Start and On-In: Great Sex

Descriptions, Rumors, and Debacles:

The Princeton Hash threatened to descend into anarchy as rival
successors to the grandmaster Geezer vied for power during his
treatment for what doctors described as "minor brain surgery,"
performed through remote control at the Brain Repair Centre, Dalhousie
University in Nova Scotia, by a team of specialists working out of the
Neuropsychiatric Institute in Belle Meade, NJ.

Princeton's minister for medical affairs, Dr. No, assured reporters
outside the ward that the operation had been successful. "Geezer
underwent surgery from which he is recovering satisfactorily. Dr. A.
G. Zaire is one of the world's authorities on renewing half-minds. He
and his capable assistant Jorge have collaborated numerous times on
this procedure, and they expect the Geezer will return to lead the
Hash shortly." Zaire is a longtime member of the Princeton Hash
cabinet and physician named by Geezer to watch over his pet hash
projects in his absence. Nonetheless, he remained out of sight yesterday.

"We will continue working with the same revolutionary fervour that you
have taught us," website minister Hand Solo of the Princeton Hash
assured Geezer in a banner emblazoned across the PHHH website, the
most popular PHHH site on the internet. "Let every hash bloom in your
honour in the glades of Rosedale Park." He expressed confidence that
Geezer would be back on his feet soon.

Hashers interviewed on community-access media also said Friday they
would fight to the death against any hashers from the north, while the
Propaganda Minister Ghuipy said, "We hounds are prepared for the
defence" of Princeton.

"This is a hash that is functioning, that is working normally," he
said. "Wankers are worried, and wanting to know more about the health
of Geezer, but at the same time, they are conducting themselves
appropriately in spite of counter-revolutionary threats to the spirit
of the Hash."

Meanwhile, Summit insurgents continued the assault on the bastion of
old-school, off-road, hour-long hashes. Commandantette Bubbles,
assisted by Great Sex, lured innocent Princeton morons to the
ideologically sympathetic village of Roosevelt with talk of Assunpink
swamps and topless runs. Instead they found 15 minutes of boardwalks
through a hornet's nest, with only the rookie Alex taking a face plant
in five feet of bog. "Trail? We don't need no stinkin' trail,"
laughed the hare and self-proclaimed veteran of 53 hashes, while
dangling three red shoelaces handsewn to a hairnet. "Hey, how do you
think I'd look in this number?"

After losing the trail by Roosevelt park where the iconic head loomed
in the gloaming, the pack disintegrated as it astutely picked up the
last four miles of pavement pounding marked by tiny reverse chalked
arrows and frequent checkmarks, none of which led to any of the
promising off-road terrain. However, the survivors missed the other
four miles of swamp and lake intended for a dastardly, out-of-season,
3-hour Hard Korp(s) or Safe Sweats sweatset in 95-degree weather.

Summit hasher David Colucci denied any involvement in the plot to
destroy the Princeton pack, which lost Molly and Warren to bee stings,
Cliffdiver and Itemized Seduction to ennui, and Solo and Paully to
parks unknown. "Bubbles blows me off every time I ask her out, and
I'm new to Great Sex," the hound insisted.

Next week: Wepi sets a Red Dress hash, for which suitable attire may
be obtained at Nearly New, next to Hoagie Haven, on Nassau; Walmart;
or Red White & Blue, a Vietnam Vets thrift store at 2055 Nottingham
Way, Trenton, that doesn't take credit cards. Wear sensible shoes.