PHHH #1088.9 Date: April 9, 2006 Place: Merrill Lynch Service Entrance (Plainsborough) Weather: Investable Time: 60 minutes? Hare: Ouipee Hounds: Speedbumps, Pyroman, Oliver the Wunderbra, Lil' Blue Butt, Nut'n Stuck, Windbreaker, Twee (her official second hash, and her real name), Hare in My Zipper 2nd Wave: Hand Solo 3rd Wave: Hey Yo! Paully Seen in P-ton: Delicate Psyche, he had to be awake at 8:00 AM or something like that. Called in from Trail: Hand Solo... did he ever finish? Another Tale from the Belle Meade Inn 8/Apr/06 The rain was falling harder as dusk fell on Saturday night. There was no way a hash could be set in this. "Where the H*ll is that scrawny worthless hare?" growled Zaire as he threw the empty Stegmeier into the growing pile of broken glass in the corner. The dwarf cowered in fear and quickly brought another for his master. "I have no faith " snarled the Assassin, "You should have known better than to trust WeePea with your plan." The Cuban Assassin finished his 5th Steg of the day when a soft knock came on the back door of the Inn. Closed now for decades, cases of broken empty bottles piled in all corners, it was safe to assume who would be knocking at the door at this hour. "Get him in here!" bellowed Zaire. Jorge obediently opened the door and dragged him into the basement. "Yes, Sir...stammered WeePea" "Shut up!" yelled the Assassin. "Look, this has got to stop now" the Assassin calmly stated. "Wh... Wh... What?" questioned the mystified Hare. "These hashes! Everyone is finishing! They run only 50-65 minutes long! What's happening to this hash? Sh!t! Even Pyro and Bumps have come back and they've brought that worthless hound. Even he is finishing, and the little blue butt, too! Look WeePea, I've brought you here to end this once and for all; I have faith in you. You've set some of the worst debacles in P-ton history. The hash must die." "But what should I do? If I set another death march, the cute young women will never return... the hash will deteriorate as it has before. Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger, and I never had a chance at RoJo like you did." The bottle crashed into the wall behind him before WeePee even knew it had flown by his head. "Never, and I mean never mention her name again!" screamed Zaire. "Look Dr P. I don't care how you do it, but take care of it! You've done it in the past; now get out of here and end this problem of the Princeton Hash being a kinder, more gentle, more peaceful, politically correct hash!!" 9/Apr/06 Back at the Inn, the sun was slowly setting on the back door when the timid knock was heard from the basement. "Get him in here Jorge" barked the Assassin. "Let's hear this." Jorge dragged the hare's trembling body down the stairs into the dank basement. He stood before the shadow in the corner. AG was taking a long draw on his Steg. Oddly enough, there appeared to be a second shadow of what might have once been a man sitting next to him. "Well Dr? How did it go?" "It was great! I posted a completely wrong set of directions to the start! I got Hand Solo's Blackberry and left indiscernible directions! Paully was out of sight, out of mind!" "Nut'n Stuck showed up and was as politically incorrect as ever!" "OK, nice…" "It started well A.G." blurted Weepee, "I set an arrow that went exactly the wrong way… and all of the young hasher followed it!" "And…?" scowled the AG. "Well… how was I to know that Pyro and Bumps would figure it out?" This bottle grazed the side of WeePea's head. "How could you not know?! They've only been on 40 of your 54 hashes! How could they not know?!" "Go on… how did it go from there?" "It went well, AG! I ran them through the woods, over a huge dirt mound and under Rt1. They barely found the trail! You should have seen the half-mile false I set!" "Well, they found their way around that and made it to Sarnoff , anyway!!" Sneered the Assassin leaning against the wall. "F***ing Bumps… as Allah as my witness, I thought that the nesting Eagle would peck their eyes out as they ran past!" groveled the poor hare (secretly hoping that Bumps would lead the cuties into his nest). Bottles flew across the room once again. "Out! Out of here you witless piece of slime!" growled AG. "I know the whole story. Out… you've failed me once again." "But, but how do you know?" stammered the Hare. Just then Jorge slowly turned up the dimmer switch just enough to reveal that what had appeared to be the outline of a man was Hand Solo. "We found him out on Rt 1, Weepee! He told us the whole story! You blew it, now out!" Weepee dashed up the basement steps trembling, knowing he had failed; he had let Zaire and the Assassin down. He knew his days were numbered; no man let Zaire down and lived to talk about it for long. That, however, was not what bothered him most and made him tremble in spite of the warm setting sun. He could have sworn that Solo had been wearing the fishnets that were last seen on RoJo's legs!!! ============================================================================== Second Wave PHHH #1088.9 Date: April 9, 2006 Place: Merrill Lynch Service Entrance (Plainsborough) Weather: Investable Time: 2˝ hours Hare: Ouipee Second Wave Hounds: Hand Solo Got to the start at 3pm not because the directions were really fookakda, I was just running late. Tortuously followed trail to Wash Road Football fields then asked Regis if I could call my lifeline for a hint. With a tad of help from Pyro found the regroup at the graveyard and beelined to Sarnoff. No sign of intelligent life there but what's new about that. On On, Solo ============================================================================== Date: April 9, 2006 > Place: Princeton Forrestal Center > Weather: Investable but I wore longsleeves anyway > Time: 1 + 3/4 hours > Hare: Ouipee > Third Hand Hounds: Hey Yo Paully The directions were f**cked. With no post by 1:30 as the Hare had promised I assumed the directions were indeed right (even though I knew they were f**cked.) Juicy was late and it wasn't ambient enough to hash with bubble boy yet. No, we won't know if she's "late" until this week, she was delayed returning home in time for me to go to 87. So I got to the would-be start at 2:40 but drove around all parking lots surrounding Princeton Forrestal Center until I decided to get out, run and guess trail. I found no trail behind the Princeton Forrestal Center heading from College Road East through Scudders Mill. Kept going over dam, attacked by groundhog, over farm field to Plainsboro Community Garden. Saw bike. Saw that bike was not locked up. I went on the Tour de Plainsboro. No pack, no marks. Tour de South Brunswick (minor excursion to the Mammary Builing along the way). No pack no marks. Found a bike path that was asphalt but that headed north parallel Rte. 1. So I went south on the cinder path. The bike was short for me and my quads were tortuously burning. The cinder path ended at the NY Exercise Place. Had to go against traffic on Rte 1 to Ridge. Tried a tour de Kingston. No pack, no marks. Mapleton Nurseries neither. Forrestal Village Neither. F**ck this - go back to car. Weepee recently reminded me of my Boy Scout Law so I returned the bike to the Garden (but I hoisted it up a tree to let them know I had taken it somewhere). Hmm should I drive to Weepee's for a beer - wait a minute, why not just turn into Sarnoff to see if he ended there - but I can't - blocked by fence and Do Not Disturb Bird signs. So I figure I'll just turn around in this gas station and go to Weepee's afterall - alas what's that on the tree-a mark! First of the day. Park by side of road near water's edge. I went to canal but saw no marks (although I saw more later on my drive home, glad I didn't go that way). Hooray - more marks at Sarnoff. I eventually winded my way through Sarnoff's treeline bordering Route 1 to the On-In where Nuttin Stuck, Twee, Windbreaker, and Hare in my Zipper were pondering leaving. But since I showed up we made another half hour of it and waited for Solo - nover showed up though. I made a bee-line for my car afterwards and was attacked by a large Seagull that gouged my eyes out. I knew where my car was though and could hear the traffice so I made it to my car and listened to the Phils lose to the Dodgers (after winning the first game) while my vision recovered.