PHHH #1035.9
Date: Sunday, April 10, 2005
Venue: Abandoned BASF property on Quaker Bridge Road
Weather: On the beach
Hare: Weepee
Hounds: Geezer, Homoerotic Tick Checking, Justin, Hey YO! Paully,
Delicate Psyche, Safe Sweats, Count von Count

Whale Beached in West Windsor

April 10, 2005 (UPI) West Windsor, NJ: Local police responded to
complaints of a foul odor and loud noises coming from the industrial
park construction site south of the Quaker Bridge Mall to find a
beached whale.

"We were just following a trail to track the progress of amphibian
development in this quadrant of Mercer County for our professor, L.
R. Fancier," said Princeton University student Cal Howe. "So far
we've seen some big tadpole popluations in the BASF stream, and in
the swamp on the other side of the railroad tracks. We came around
the corner and there it was. It's hard to believe that it fit in that
brick culvert under the tracks, but it looks like an SUV nailed it
while crossing Quaker Bridge Road. We'll probably get extra credit,
because it's lot bigger than a tadpole."

Howe indicated the creature rolling about on the grass. Its head was
a mottled red and crusted with a grayish seaweed. Howe's classmate
Justin Thyme poked it with a pre-formed potato chip, provoking a loud
bellow and a puff of foul steam from the whale's blowhole. Two Polish
Americans in the group of runners took turns pouring beer on the
muddy mammal to keep it cool.

State scientists agreed that the appearance of the whale this far
inland from the Delaware River, where a whale had been seen trying to
mate with various small craft, was highly unusual and indicated that
the whale was probably lacking any sense of direction.

"This is extremely exciting," said Alejandro A. Vagelli, Manager of
Science and Conservation at the New Jersey Academy for Aquatic
Sciences. "It has been a career goal of mine to dissect a whale, and
if this one kicks the bucket, I get first dibs."