Pam, Bill, Grace & Will

   Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

Our society is fast paced. We are all rushing from one place to the next. Honking our horn at slow drivers…people who may be singing songs in the car with their children or pointing out some interesting sights. We don’t have time for that silliness today. But we try to convince ourselves that we will make time for "fun" tomorrow. Our children say, "Mommy watch me!" over and over again just to get our attention. It is time to take a few deep breaths and think about our actions and our words. Do they portray the attitude that we want to convey?

Have you ever really thought about the phrase – Actions speak louder than words? Think about it now. I have and don’t agree with it 100%. If you say one thing and act in an opposite way, will the words be ignored and just the actions remembered? I don’t think so. It is important to have your words match your actions. It is also equally important to use words to show appreciation, love, approval and happiness and then follow those words with a hug, pat on the back or smile. There is the impact. The action reinforces the words.

The pen is mightier than the sword.

What about that phrase…true? Yes sir! Words carry a lot of weight and will be remembered for years to come especially when they are written down. The words are permanent. Mean words can hurt for that moment and for a lifetime. I am sure that each of us remembers a time when a sibling, a teacher, a friend or even a grandparent made an unkind comment. Those words did lasting damage to you, the relationship or both. Let’s not be a member of that club. When was the last time that you hid a "love" note in a lunch box or in your spouse’s coat pocket? If you want to see a bight smile, that will do it! The power of this written note will be savored for many days…even years.

How effective is that? NOT!! We are role models in everything. It is really hard for a child to believe that it’s not OK to do something that you do. Take smoking. Most children who smoke at a young age know a parent or close friend who smokes. Isn’t it strange that a parent who swears a lot usually has a child who swears a lot too? "I don’t know who taught her those words?" Parents are powerful beings and it is important to value that power and pass on positive role modeling through actions and words.

Children thrive when they feel appreciated and understood. Don’t be afraid to shower your child with encouraging words all day long. A perfect way to turn a bad day around is to compliment your child. "I noticed that your hair looked very nice today." "Did you hang your coat up all by yourself?" It is amazing how those few words can change a child’s outlook…almost immediately. Don’t stop there…give your spouse words of appreciation too. While you are spreading words of joy, call your parents, a sibling, and a friend? One of my siblings ended a phone conversation with 3 words…I love you! Boy, did that put a spring in my step. Mark Twain is right, it has been a month and I still feel the positive effect of those 3 little, but very powerful words.

They do not love that do not show their love – Shakespeare

When was the last time you showed you spouse love? Hopefully, 5 minutes ago. Feeling loved is the best feeling in the world. Being that this is the month of LOVE, go all out and plan to start doing acts of "love" for the week proceeding Valentine’s day. This week of "love" will set a great tone for the month. You should ask each family member what you could do to make him feel "loved." Then as a group, pick an idea for each day. It could be to make brownies, take a family walk, have a 5 minute family hug (ok, 2 minute), give each other back massages…you get the idea. Hopefully, your acts of love week will catch on and you can have love weeks every month!

Do you know the legend of Saint Valentine? The Roman Emperor, Claudius II, arrested Valentine for secretly marrying people whom Claudius II forbid to wed. On February 14, 270 ad, Valentine was killed. He sent his last letter on that day to the woman he loved and it was signed, "from your valentine". Legend has it that is how the notion of Valentine cards was started. So make sure that your Valentine cards have a special and lasting message. You never know who might read them!! Take time to make thoughtful, lasting "love" messages this year. Don’t make it a last minute effort…put some thought into each one. Your children will watch you and will want to do the same. It is amazing to watch a child’s creative spirit when it catches on fire. So start the fire, fan the flames!

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.-Benjamin Franklin

Boy, was he a smart man! Let’s maximize our words of appreciation and our acts of kindness. I have heard that after you do something 26 times it becomes a habit. So, let’s work on saying and doing it kindly this month and then by next month you will just do it naturally everyday. What a happy world it will be….

Pamela Caywood is the proud mother of a Grace and her new son Will.